It's now or never, he's coming home forever
by DuRiechstSoGut98
Summary: Tsukiko has been best friends with Light Yagami since she was a kid. She's also been in love with him since she was kid, but when Ryuzaki appears, will it change things for her, or simply make the stress worse? A LightxL love triangle thingy.
1. Ryuzaki in the rain

"Gee what do you wanna do tonight Brain?" I asked in a goofy british accent.

"The same we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world!" Light replied in a mock serious tone.

I laid on his bed, laughing hysterically. He smiled and went back to his computer. Light Yagami is my best friend. We've been friends for..I don't know, practically our whole lives. He's a straight-A, college bound student while I was the perfect example of a slacker.

"Say, Tsukiko, when are you going to finish that report for Effective Writing?"

I flicked my raven black hair behind me.

"Whenever I feel like it." I replied and stretched.

"That's not good." He nagged. "You're not going to graduate if you keep slacking like this."

Blah blah blah, he says this every time! Doesn't he have an off switch?

"Yeah yeah, I know."

"So why don't you do anything about it?" He snapped.

"Because I'm lazy." I replied with a smile.

"You're impossible." He scoffed and went back to clicking at the computer.

"What'cha doin?" I asked, pressing my face against the screen.

"Watching the news." He replied and pushed my face away.

Yet another has died because of Kira. Big whup.

"Hey Light?"

"Yes Tsukiko?"

"I looooooooooove you!"

He simply rolled his eyes and went back to watching the news. I watched with him, wondering what would happen next.

"I'm bored." I said, rolling on my back.

"What do you want me to do about it?" He asked.

"Entertain me." I replied.

"No way. Go find Misa, I'm sure she'll entertain you."

"Ugh, she's so annoying! She so completely in love with you that it makes me sick."

"As if there's anything I can do about it. Now scoot!"

I sighed in frustration and left the room. I said good bye to Mrs. Yagami and walked outside. I hadn't even realized it, but it was pouring outside. I had also never told Light that I was in love with him, I just wasn't as open about it as Misa was. I couldn't help it, we've been so close for so many years, why couldn't I say anything about it? Just as I looked up to the heavens and curse God, I saw a black covering over my head. I looked down to a pale, dark eyed boy, looking about my age. He was so attractive that Light slipped from my mind like water.

"Why on earth would you go out in weather like this without an umbrella?" He asked, moving closer to ensure that I was covered.

"Oh, I don't know, I didn't expect a gentleman like yourself to help me." I replied with a smile.

"Can I ask where you're going? I don't want to leave you alone in the cold like this."

Either this guy was a _real_ honest-to-god gentleman, or just a plain old pervert. I'll go with gentleman.

"Just up the road here. It isn't very far."

"I'll walk you home." He said quietly and followed me home.

"So what's your name?" I asked sweetly, flipping my raven black hair back behind my ears.

"Ryuzaki. What about you?"

"My name is Tsukiko Namida. It's so nice to have gentlemen like you around."

"I have to admit, there aren't many of us left." He replied quietly.

We stopped in front of a rather lavish mansion that was well lit. I was incredibly wealthy, but I hated to flaunt it, so I wore simple clothes, similar to Misa's.

"Well, we're here." I said nervously.

We walked up to the front porch where Ryuzaki closed his umbrella.

"Do you want to come in? You look awfully cold." I asked.

"Oh, I couldn't. I don't even know your family."

"That what introductions are for!" I chimed and grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him inside.

I propped him in front of me while my parents sat in front of the fireplace, daddy reading a newspaper and mommy puffing on a cigarette.

"Mommy, Daddy, this is my new friend Ryuzaki. He's really cold and alone, can he stay for the night?"

My mother's mouth fell open, causing her to almost drop her cigarette. Daddy put the paper down and stared at me.

"Why?" Mommy asked, stamping her cigarette out.

"He's alone and cold mommy, just look at him!"

Mommy looked to daddy and he shook his read, shaking the newspaper and adjusting his glasses.

"Alright, he can stay in the guest room."

I nearly choked daddy to death and dragged Ryuzaki up the stairs, around a turn, up another flight of stairs, and into my room. No one said we had to go to bed _now_.

"This is my room. We're gonna have fun till we fall asleep!" I squeeled.

Ryuzaki raised a finger, but I shoved an Xbox 360 controller into his hands before he could say anything.

"Come one!" I squeeled again. "We're gonna play Halo 3, then Viva Piñata! Party Animals, then maybe Dynasty Warriors: Gundam if we haven't fallen asleep yet."

Ryuzaki stared down at the controller, completely puzzled.

"I'm not a video game person." He admitted.

"Oh, that's okay! I'll teach you!"

Before long, we were kicking ass on Xbox Live. Everyone wanted to join our team, and our enemies cursed us out until I had to mute them.

"This is fun." Ryuzaki said with a smile.

"Heck yes it is! This is one of my favorite games." I chuckled.

Ryuzaki was quiet for a while, until he asked me a question that threw me off track.

"You've heard of the Kira case, haven't you?" He asked.

I snuck up behind someone on blue team and cracked him in the back of the head.

"Yeah, why?"

"Just curious." He replied in a tone that would indicate suspicion.

"I'm not Kira Ryuzaki." I said simply, pumping another blue team member with lead.

"I never said you were." He replied, looking to the left.

"You're a liar." I chuckled and left the game.

"Hm?" He asked, and looked a bit curious.

I set down my controller and headset and stared at him.

"When you said you said I was Kira, you looked to the left. Humans always look to the left when they're making something up, but they look to the right when telling the truth."

"Amazing.." Ryuzaki whispered and yawned.

"Yeah, I'm kind of tired too." I said and stretched out of the rug.

Ryuzaki stood up and tried to walk out, but I whined in protest. He looked back at me and I patted the area next to me.

"Won't your dad get angry? I mean, we've only known each other for--" He looked at his watch "Four hours."

"Yeah, well I'll just say we got tired and fell asleep. Besides, I don't feel like getting up."

My blood red eyes lit up when he curled up next to me like a cat.

"Good night Ryuzaki." I whispered.

"Good night Tsukiko." He whispered back.


	2. Death Notes and Death Gods

I awoke the next morning with the sun beaming through my stained glass window. I looked around and noticed that Ryuzaki was no where in sight. I ran downstairs where mommy and daddy were eating breakfast.

"Ou est Ryuzaki?" I asked the french maid. (Where is Ryuzaki?)

"Qui?" She asked. (Who?)

"Mon ami, Ryuzaki. Il a dormi dans ma chambre..?" I was starting to get frustrated. (My friend, Ryuzaki. He slept in my room..?)

"Ah, oui!" She replied, clapping slightly. (Ah, yes!) "Il est parti c'est matin." (He left this morning)

I slapped my forehead and thanked her. He had left without even saying goodbye? Or thank you? What an ass! Well, it was Saturday, so I figured I'd head over to Light's house for a little while, maybe even work on my research paper. I kissed mommy and daddy on the cheek, told them I was heading for Light's house, and left. The shitty weather last night cleared up and it was bright and beautiful outside today. People laughed by the great Sakura tree, children weaved in and out of my legs playing tag, and women gossiped about their lazy husbands. I smiled and knocked on Light's door, and was slightly surprised when no one answered. I figured it was nothing and jumped on a bus to get out of here. I saw Light on the bus, and was about to wave when I saw another one of his fan girls clutching to his arm and chatting away. I rolled my eyes and sat next to him, across the aisle. Another man got onto the bus and stood next to me.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked in what sounded like an American accent.

"No, not at all. Go ahead." I replied with a smile and scooched over. He sat down and watched with wary eyes around the bus. Suddenly the bus stop and picked up an unsavory looking character.

"This here's a bus jacking!" He slurred and pulled out a revolver.

"Oh hell.." I whispered.

The "jacker" shot me a dangerous glance.

"You shut your mouth missy or you're going to regret it!" He screamed and waved the revolver towards me.

Yeah right, whatever.

The guy sitting next to me looked scared as can be, watching this jackhole from his seat, trying not to make a move. We were heading to Spaceland, so why jack the bus?

Suddenly Light dropped a balled up piece of paper, and, as I expected, the jacker found it and picked it up. He scowled and looked at it, figuring it was just a piece of paper.

"Think you're funny, huh? Well, try something like that again and I'll kill you." He mumbled and turned around.

Suddenly he froze, pointing a shaking gun at nothing.

"Who..who the hell are you?" He screamed.

No response. Well, he _was_ talking to air.

He shot six shots in the air, causing me to instinctively crouch and cover my head, as many other people did. He tried to shoot again, but the gun simply clicked in his hand. Out of ammo. Panicking, he dropped the gun and screamed at the driver to let him off. The door opened and he jumped out, not too long after getting plowed by a car. The car ran over his head/neck area, causing the carotid artery to burst and squirt blood onto the lower part of my window. I gasped in horror and jumped up. The American sitting next to me was gone by then, talking to Light outside the bus. Light walked away with his date towards Space Land, while the American walked the opposite direction. I jumped off the bus and dug into the man's pocket, taking out the crumpled piece of paper he had with him. When he had picked up this paper, he saw something and freaked. Maybe by simply _touching_ the paper made him go insane and jump off, getting hit by a car. Hey, just because I was a slacker didn't mean I wasn't intelligent! I walked back home, waiting until I was in my room to open the paper. I finally reached my house and locked myself in my room without even acknowledging my parents. I opened the paper with trembling hands and found that it was blank.

"What the hell?" I asked out loud, not expecting an answer.

"It's a piece of paper." Someone said behind me.

I could've sworn I locked the door..

It was a..well, I couldn't even call it a man. He had light purplish-blue skin with spiky hair, yellow eyes with red pupils, and a single silver heart shaped earring dangling on his left ear.

"Just who are you?" I asked.

"That depends... who are you?"

"As if I'd give my name to a death god."

Yeah, I knew he was a death god. He kind of floating there with two sickening looking wings attached to his back. I believed in the whole death god thing. I even read about how some of them have what we humans call "death notes". I have yet to figure what a death is, or for that matter, what it does.

"Well, you know I'm a death god. There's something that's established." He said sarcastically, eating what looks like an apple.

"I'm still not giving you my name." I said, crossing my arms.

He simply shrugged and ate his apple. We sat for a few minutes in silence. I broke the silence with a question.

"How can I see you anyway? Am I crazy?"

He floated closer to me and pointed at the piece of paper I was holding.

"Put it down." He said simply.

"How's about you make me?" I challenged, drawing it closer.

"If you want to know how you can see me, _put it down_."

I slowly bent over with the piece of paper, keeping my eyes on the death god. I let go of the paper on the ground, and when I looked, he was gone!

"What the hell?" I asked, grabbing the paper.

He reappeared!

"How in the.."

"Whoever holds the deathnote, can see a death god." he replied, finishing my sentence.

"Oh.." I replied, looking down at the paper. "Just what does a death note do?"

He took another bite of the apple and made himself comfortable on my bed.

"Well, whoever's name shall be written in it shall die."

Die?

Did he just say _die?_

Like, real time death? And all I have to do is write their name?

This was tempting. I was raped years ago when I was young, but I couldn't just go ahead and kill him. I had to plan this out _very_ carefully.

"Well, I'm off." The death god said, munching the last of his apple and flying away through my window.

"Wait!" I cried and rushed to the window.

No one was there. I had a piece of the death note, which could kill anyone I please, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to use it just yet.


	3. Kira

I rubbed the blank paper in my hand, carefully closing the window. Now that I actually took a long look at it, it was a little odd, if not creepy. There was a black note book at the top, with various demon-looking creatures praying to it, or that's what it seemed.

"Oh my god." I whispered, cursing myself for not noticing this before.

I quickly unlocked the door and ran downstairs to where Daddy was puffing on his pipe, adjusting his gold glasses as he read the paper.

"Where did the window in my room come from?" I asked rather abruptly.

He lowered his glasses down onto his nose.

"What are you talking about pumpkin?" He asked.

"The stained-glass window in my room. Where did it come from?"

"Oh, that old thing? I picked it up in an old shop when you were a baby. Considering your morbid nature as a child, I figured you'd like it."

I was almost insulted that my father said I was morbid when I was young. Sure, my favorite movie growing up was The Nightmare Before Christmas, but that didn't make me morbid! Nevertheless, I walked out of the room and opened the front door when mommy called to me.

"Where are you going sugar?" She called out in her annoying regal tone.

I hated the pet names, but I _especially_ hated mother's regal tone.

"I'm going to Light's house." I called back and left.

I wasn't quite eighteen yet, but my parents usually let me stay out as late as I want. Sometimes I would even spend the night at Light's house if I was out late enough. I knocked on the front door and gave Sayu a hug. I remember patting Mrs. Yagami's stomach when she was pregnant with her.

"Hey chica, is Light home?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's up in his room studying as usual."

I jogged up the stairs and tried to open the door. Odd, Light didn't usually leave his door locked.

"Hey Light, you in there?" I called.

"What?! Oh yeah, hang on!" He called back.

I heard him mutter "shit shit shit" as he fumbled around. I smiled and called into the closed door,

"Light you better not be watching porno in there!"

He opened the door and looked slightly pissed and shocked.

"No, I'm not watching porn. Jesus, I was just studying."

I smiled and walked into the room, noticing that the same death god was laying on Light's bed eating an apple. He looked a little surprised to see me too because he got up and almost touched me.

"Oh my god." I said, staring into the death god's face.

"What?" Light asked, playing innocent.

"Oh, nothing. I thought I saw a huge spider on your bed." I replied and leapt onto the bed, laying on my stomach and kicking my legs in the air like I usually do.

"Did you get your research paper done?" Light nagged as he sat on the chair to his computer with the death god hanging over his shoulder.

"Actually, Mrs. Clark, the new American teacher I have, let me change my subject." I said cheerfully.

"What is it now?" Light asked, not turning to look at me.

"I'm doing it on Eric Clapton now!" I squealed.

I loved Eric Clapton. I first heard him on the radio once with his covered hit "Cocaine", originally written by J.J Cale, and then I bought his album and fell in love with the song Layla. I wanted my name changed to Layla so badly I almost went to court to get it changed.

Light simply grunted, as I assumed his was rolling his eyes. He clicked on the TV where yet another new cast was covering the murderous works of "Kira", the person responsible for killing all sorts of criminals. I watched with him and wondered why he was so obsessed with this "Kira" character was. I observed the death god as he chuckled.

"Wow Light, that was a little harsh." He said between chuckles.

What was a little harsh? I didn't get it, but I didn't want to ask questions because Light probably couldn't see him. Apparently I was wrong because Light turned his head a little and mumbled something. Wait, Light can see him too?

Now I'm really confused.

I rolled around in the bed, trying to get the death god's attention. He obviously didn't care because I rolled around for about three minutes with no success. I sighed and he finally turned his head. I beckoned him over and he stood over the bed, waiting for me to ask a question.

"Light can see you?" I barely whispered.

He nodded.

Wait a minute, whoever holds a death note can see a death god, right?

So that means...

Light has a death note, and whoever's name is written in it..

Shall die.

Light always talked about "making the world a better, safer place".

I didn't think he was actually serious.

Now it was all coming together. He was watching the news so obsessively because he wanted to make sure the criminal had died.

He was so panic-stricken when I knocked on the door because...

because...

because he _was _Kira.


	4. So The Love Begins

"Gee Light, those criminals really deserved to die." I said, trying to drop a hint.

"I suppose." He replied.

The death god chuckled again. I think he forgot he can hear me.

"Light, we need to talk." I said, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves.

He could kill me. I have to remember that and play it cool.

"What's up?" He asked and swiveled in his chair.

"Do you know what this is?" I asked, taking out the blank piece of paper.

"It's just paper." He replied, a little tension in his voice.

I took a shaky breath. Why would I want to cry now?

"It's..it's a piece.."

That damn death god began to laugh hysterically now.

"It's a piece of a Death Note."

Shock washed over Light's face, but he ran a hand over it and calmed himself.

"Where did you find it?"

Ah, he really was guilty. He would have asked "What's a death note?" If he wasn't Kira.

"I found it..on that jacker..on the bus.." I replied.

I was visibly shaking now as Light walked over.

"Let me have it." He said. It was almost like a demand.

"No." I whispered. "I know you're secret."

There was no stopping the hot tears from spilling down my face.

"I know you're Kira." I whispered.

Before I knew I was tackled on my back with Light pinning my arms above my head.

"Get off!" I screamed.

He didn't move. Instead I thrashed around screaming and crying. Ironic that no one heard.

"How do you know?!" He demanded, gripping my wrists even harder.

"They will know you lied!" I screamed, thrashing even harder.

He tried to calm me, but it didn't work. I was hysterical now.

"You liar!" I screamed as I finally wriggled out of his grasp and clung to wall.

"THEY WILL KNOW YOU LIED!!" I screamed again.

He spun me around and slammed me against the wall when there was a knock on the door. Light immediately covered my mouth.

"Light? Honey? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah mom." Light faked a laugh. "We're only wrestling."

I screamed against Light's hand, but he pressed me harder against the wall.

I heard her footsteps die away and I tried to scream for her to come back and save me. Light took his hand off my mouth and when I was about to scream, he covered my mouth with his.

I had waited for this since I first met him, but it didn't feel the way it should. I pushed him away and started to cry again.

"No no no.." I moaned.

Light stepped closer and drew me into a tight embrace. I shook and cried and couldn't help but feel comforted. Damnit, he always did have that way with women.

"I love you Tsukiko, please don't cry." His words were laced with poison.

"No, you're a liar." I croaked.

Strangely, I didn't squirm or wriggle or resist. I just sat there in his arms for what felt like an eternity.

"I'm not a liar...for once." He whispered. "I really love you."

The fact that he admitted to lying previously gave me some form of comfort. Maybe he really did love me.

He stroked my hair and kissed me head occasionally as I eventually settled down and stopped crying. I even returned the hug and the occasional kisses, feeling loved for the very first time.

"Don't leave me." I whispered.

"I won't." He whispered back when his mother knocked on the door again.

"Tsukiko, honey it's your father on the phone."

I wiped what tears remained on my face and took the phone shakily into my hands.

"Hello?" I said. "Okay..yes..oh do I have to? Okay. Love you too daddy. Bye."

I handed the phone back to Mrs. Yagami and turned to Light.

"I have to go home. Daddy says it's important."

"Okay." Light replied. "Should I walk you home?"

"No it's okay." I replied and leaned closer.

"Don't send him to walk me home either." I whispered, pointing to the death god.

"Oh Ryuk? Okay, I won't, but stay safe!" He replied as I got up and walked out the door.

---

"Heh heh heh, so what are you going to do now Light?" Ryuk chuckled as he watched Tsukiko go out the door.

"She knows my secret now, so there's only one thing to do." Light replied as he sat at his computer.

"Oooh, going to kill her?" Ryuk asked, laying on the bed just as Tsukiko did.

"Well, if it comes to that, yes. But for now, I think I'll just settle for toying with her. I'll break her heart, then cause her death as a suicide. It's flawless." He replied in a dark tone.


	5. Late Nights

I walked in the dark streets, sniffling occasionally at the fact that I could die.

"Tsukiko-chan!" I heard someone call.

I looked behind me and saw Ryuzaki faintly waving. I smiled and waved back, wiping away my tears.

"Again I run into you, and it's awfully late." He remarked, looking at his watch.

"What time is it?" I asked softly.

"It's about ten oh four. A little late to be out considering it's a school night, don't you think?"

I laughed softly. "I hadn't even noticed the time."

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

I followed him into the street where a stretch black limousine waited patiently. Ryuzaki opened the door for me and I smiled slightly and slid in, noticing the sickening amounts of cookies, cake and anything sugar-loaded.

"Want something?" Ryuzaki asked as he munched on a cookie.

He sat weird, like a bird perched on a railing. I put the thought aside and reached for a chocolate chip cookie.

"Thank you Ryuzaki." I said with a smile and munched on a cookie.

Ryuzaki tapped on the window and made a hand signal, and the driver nodded, driving away.

"I swear to God, there better not be a roofie in this cookie!" I laughed.

"Roofie?" Ryuzaki asked.

Oh God, I had to be the one to explain it to him?

"A roofie is a date rape drug usually slipped into drinks." I replied sheepishly.

Ryuzaki's mouth went wide and he waved his hands.

"Oh no, I would NEVER do that! I'd have to seek justice if anyone ever did something that disrespectful!"

I chuckled at how much of a child he seemed like. The drive seemed to take forever, considering I only lived a few blocks away. We talked about anything and everything, even the Kira case.

"I heard L is going no where." I said, taking a sip of coffee.

"I heard that too." He replied cautiously, munching on some cake.

"God, if they caught Kira..what would happen?" That was more or less directed at myself rather than Ryuzaki, but he answered anyway.

"Easy. He would get the death penalty."

"But, I can't help but wonder if what he's doing is right..I mean..."

I was silenced with a slight half-hug. I smiled and hugged Ryuzaki.

"Don't say that. He's a criminal, nothing more."

I shrugged and the car stopped. Ryuzaki opened the door and let me out. I stumbled out and he walked me to the door.

"Well, I had fun tonight." I whispered.

"Really? It was only a car ride..."

"I know. I--"

"TSUKIKO, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!" I heard my mother screech.

"You better get going." I whispered. "I'm in for a world of hurt."

Ryuzaki made a face, but turned around to leave. The door opened and my mother drew me into her arms and squeezed until I turned blue.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN DARLING?!" She screeched again. "I MISSED YOU!!!"

"MOM!" I yelled. "Calm down, I do this all the time!"

"Oh, but it's 11:30! It's so late!" She was starting to get hysterical.

"Just get in the house ma." I growled and pushed her into the house and slammed the door shut.

I waved to Ryuzaki and looked at my parents.

"We called the Yagamis, but they said you left over an hour ago!" Daddy scolded.

"Sorry, I got a ride home, and it took longer than expected."

Daddy gripped my shoulders and stared into my eyes. The smell of his pipe was making me sick.

"Were you raped?" He asked bluntly.

I shook off his grasp and growled.

"No! Ryuzaki gave me a ride home and it just took a long time! Jesus!" I screamed.

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me!" Daddy yelled.

"Forget this then." I grunted and stormed up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Mommy yelled up the stairs.

"TO BED!" I screamed and slammed my door.

To my surprise, Ryuk was waiting for me on my bed.

"Heh, you're in trouble now!" He commented.

"Shut up." I grumbled and sat at my black vanity. I sighed and clicked on the lights that actually brought some color to my face. I was paler than usual today, I hope I'm not coming down with something.

"Ryuk, since I have a piece of the Death Note, does that mean I get all the perks the full Death Note does?"

I grabbed my brush and tilted my head, brushing my long raven colored hair morosely.

"I...don't know." He replied, munching an apple.

"Is there any way I can get a full Death Note?" I asked.

"Not unless a Death God drops it here."

"Is there any way you can make sure someone does that?"

His head perked up and laughed maniacally.

"For you? Maybe." He replied between chuckled.

I turned around and let my hair fall onto my right shoulder.

"For me? I didn't know you were so sweet Ryuk." I smiled.

He chuckled again and got up.

"Wait." I said, grabbing his wrist.

He looked back, or rather down on me. He was really tall, and I was really short.

"Promise me you'll try something."

Ryuk tapped his lip in thought.

"I'll try." He replied and melted into the window and into the night air.


	6. Malak

"Wake up Tsukiko, it's time for school!" Mother chirped as she floated into my room, opening the disturbing window to let the sunlight in.

"Rnnnhh.." I grumbled and threw a pillow over my head.

"Oh come on Tsukiko! I've got Marie downstairs making breakfast!

Well, Marie always _did _make an awesome breakfast.

I reluctantly sat up, shooing my mother away so I could get dressed. As I sauntered across the room and looked out the other, less depressing window, I noticed a black dot on the front lawn. Tossing on a velvet red robe, I leapt out the window and onto the dew-soaked grass. As I git closer and closer to the object, my heart pounded furiously in my chest. As I bent over and held my hair back to read the scrawled words on what appeared to be a note book.

"Death Note.." I whispered.

I quickly picked it up and kissed it.

"Thank you Ryuk, you son-of-a-bitch!" I cheered and spun around.

Completely forgetting about the Death God thing, I bumped into the one that held this death note. I almost screamed in shock, but quickly regained my composure and waved him inside.

Well, as far as I could tell it was a guy.

I leapt through my window and he silently followed, sitting politely on my bed and waiting for me to start asking questions.

"So what kind of perks do I get with a full Death Note?" I asked.

He gestured to the book and I opened it. It had all the rules printed on the front page.

"I see." I replied awkwardly. "Can you turn around? I have to get dressed."

Without a word, he quietly spun around and I stripped off my nightgown, getting changed into baggy blue jeans and a vintage Eric Clapton t shirt. I was tying the shoes on chucks when the Death God turned around.

"So what's your name anyway?" I asked, still clutching to the Death Note.

"Malak." He replied simply.

His voice was deep and almost rusty sounding.

"Okay Malak, come on downstairs, I'm having breakfast."

He obediently followed as I descended the enormous staircase. As I got to the bottom I got a better look at Malak--he had long, messy purple hair and piercing black eyes. His mouth seemed sewn shut, but obviously that was a mere illusion considering he could speak. He had long arms like one of the Death Gods in my window, but he was only a few inches taller than me when standing. I quickly munched down some waffles and headed out the door, bookbag in hand.

"Aren't you going to talk to us?" Mother called out.

"Can't mother, I'll be late!" I called back and slammed the door shut.

"Do you not like her?" Malak asked.

"Tuh, not really. She's more of a pain in the ass than a mother to be honest."

A flicker of a smile danced on Malak's face, but quickly disappeared when he saw Light waving to me.

"Be careful." He whispered. "There's something...off about him."

I nodded and hugged Light.

"Well good morning to you too!" He replied and kissed my head.

Shit, I forgot we were dating.

"Morning!" I replied cheerfully.

"A little out of character for her." Ryuk observed as I yanked on Light's hand.

"Come on, let's get to school." I chimed as we walked along, with Light's arm casually draped around my shoulder.

As Light and I approached the school, his arm still draped on my shoulder and holding hands and laughing, I earned more than my fair share of jealous stares. I merely stopped for a minute.

"What?" Light asked, surprised at my pause.

"Just a sec." I replied as I kicked dirt in the direction of the jealous fangirls like a dog does when they pee. "Eat it bitches!" I called out and rejoined Light as we went inside.

"That wasn't very smart." He commented as we rested against a wall.

"Yeah I know, but hey. I can take 'em!"

Light merely chuckled. Malak and Ryuk remained silent through the entire walk, which worried me. I smiled at a joke Light had told me when I saw Ryuzaki walk into the building. He seemed to be looking for someone so I waved hysterically and he waved back, until he saw Light drape his arm around me and draw me closer. He stopped waving and frowned, walking in the opposite direction. I felt immensely guilty and had the urge to run to him, but Light's grip held me back.

"Who are you waving at, baby?" He asked gently.

I resented the way he called me 'baby', but I merely replied, "No one dear."


	7. Doctor Appointment

The bell rang for A period classes, so I kissed Light goodbye and walked to my locker. As I was entering my combination, one of my best friends, Mikoto, slammed into the locker next to me.

"Morning Koto-chan." I said drowsily as I put my stuff in my locker.

"Morning Kiko-chan." She replied. "Are you still tired?"

I yawned, indicating my answer.

"You're _always_ tired." She remarked. "You should get that checked out sometime."

"Yeah, I'll think about it right around the same time I think about killing myself."

I hated doctors. _Every single time _I went there, it always began and ended with a needle in my arm. Why was I always getting shots, anyway? I always got more shots than Light ever did in his life time.

"Whatever the case, you need to get checked out and I need to get to class before I'm late again. See you later!"

"Catch you on the flip side." I mumbled as I gathered my books and headed off to my first class, which just so happened to be a study hall, so I signed out and went to the senior lounge, which was exactly what it sounded like. A lounge for seniors only. When I walked in and set my books down, I saw Misa Amane talking Light's ear off and Ryuzaki perched on a couch in the corner.

"Morning everyone." I greeted and plopped down next to Ryuzaki and kicked my feet up on a nearby chair.

"Good morning Tsukiko-san." Ryuzaki greeted with a tragic smile.

Why was he so depressed this morning?

I watched as Malak sat down on the couch next to me and kept quiet. He also watched Ryuk very carefully, almost like he was going to do something. Ryuk noticed the staring and waved to him. Malak simply stared at him with angry eyes.

What was with everyone today? Malak was pissed at Ryuk and Ryuzaki is incredibly depressed.

"Good God." I mumbled.

All time stopped and all eyes were upon me.

"What's the matter?" Light asked, wrenching himself free from Misa's grasp and sitting next to me.

"Everyone seems off today." I replied and stood up.

I felt uncomfortable being near Light ever since I found out that he's Kira. He stood up and followed me around the room. When Malak saw that I was feeling uncomfortable, he moved in to protect me.

Strange, I thought that Death Gods didn't like humans very much.

"Not now Light." I whispered and fiddled with my hands. I felt so much different today.

I heard Ryuzaki gasp as he grabbed the keys that swung from his belt loop.

"Forgive me Tsukiko, I almost forgot your appointment."

"What appointment?" I asked suspiciously.

Ryuzaki stared at me for a moment, completely dumbfounded.

"Your mother didn't tell you?"

"I guess not." I replied, a little annoyed.

"She made an appointment for you to go see the doctor for your chronic fatigue. She asked me to drive you since I'm apparently closer to you than Light." He said with a shrug.

I looked over to Light, whose fury could've melted lead.

"But how?" I asked. "She doesn't even know you!"

"Apparently she knew my mother, or something like that. and dug up my cell phone number. Sounds like a lie, but that's what she told me."

I shrugged and gathered my things.

"See you guys around." I said as I walked out the door with Ryuzaki,

I grabbed my stuff out of my locker, thankful I didn't have to go to school today. Since I preferred walking, I didn't have a car, but this thought of driving myself to appointments made me think that I should be getting one soon. Ryuzaki waited for me by the front desk and we walked outside together in the warm late spring sun.

"It's gorgeous out today." I remarked as Ryuzaki remote started his car.

"I'll leave the hood down then." He replied softly.

His car was amazing. It was a bright red firebird convertible, my absolute dream car. I grinned as I threw my stuff in the back and didn't bother to open the door as I leapt in.

"Do you want to listen to something?" Ryuzaki asked as he handed me his CD case.

He had a wide taste of music, ranging from Johnny Cash to Eric Clapton, and from Taking Back Sunday to .38 Special. I pulled out Taking Back Sunday's latest CD, Louder Now and switched it to Divine Intervention and cranked up the volume, considering it was an acoustic song. I reached on top of my head and slid on my bitchin' aviators and looked to Ryuzaki, smiling wildly.

"Hit it." I said as he drove away slowly.

He smiled to himself as I began to sing the beginning verse.

"Despondent, distracted,  
You're vicious and romantic;  
These are a few of my favorite things.  
All of those flavors and  
This is what you choose:  
Past the blues, past the blues,  
And on to something new.."


	8. Mistake

Ryuzaki cruised out of the school slowly and cautiously, which annoyed me considering I like taking risks and he owned a _firebird_ for Christ's sake.

"Ryuzaki, you should go faster." I whined as we got onto the highway.

"I think we're going fast enough Tsukiko." He replied.

I glanced at the speedometer. 55 MPH wasn't fast enough.

"Ryuzaki, what's the point of owning a bitchin' sweet ride if you refuse to go past 55?"

He sighed and smiled as he sped up to 80 MPH. My hair whipped wildly around my face, so I tied it into a messy bun.

"Now that's better!" I laughed over the roar of the wind and ejected Taking Back Sunday, replacing it with No Doubt's Rock Steady, my favorite album.

Ryuzaki looked surprised when I switched the track to Running.

"Are you feeling alright?" He yelled above the noise.

"I'm fabulous, why?"

"You're listening to all the sad songs."

I didn't think much of it, considering I love the sad songs. I simply nodded my head and smiled. When I nodded however, my aviators flew off the face and behind us. I gasped and climbed out of the seat, reaching behind the seat to see if it landed there. To my dismay, it didn't and lay cracked and broken on the side of the road.

"Sit down!" Ryuzaki yelled, yanking me back into the seat. "Buckle up, and I'll buy you a new pair on our way home."

I didn't _want_ a new pair, I wanted my old ones. I pouted all the way to the doctor's office. When we arrived, Ryuzaki dropped me off in the front so I could sign myself in. I walked in and noticed crying babies and sick kids wiping their noses on their sleeves. Ick, I felt the need for some hand sanitizer. I scribbled my name on the sign-in sheet, considering everyone here has known me since I was a baby.

"Morning Tsukiko!" One of the nurses greeted. "What are you in for this time?"

"Eh, I have this chronic fatigue, and mom wants it checked it out."

The nurse nodded and floated back to whatever she was doing before. I sighed and grabbed a parenting magazine, considering there was nothing else, and took a seat. Moments later, Ryuzaki joined me and quietly sat next to me. He received a few stares from the way he sat, but everyone got used to it eventually.

"Parenting magazine? Is there something you're not telling me?"

I dropped the magazine and looked at him with unmoved eyes.

"Are you kidding?" I asked.

Ryuzaki shrugged and looked away. "Guess not.."

"Tsukiko Namida?" A nurse called.

She didn't recognize me so I dragged Ryuzaki along.

"He's not allowed in the room with you." She whispered.

"Nonsense. He's my boyfriend, he can come."

Ryuzaki blushed slightly at the word 'boyfriend', so when she escorted in the room and closed the door, he spoke up.

"Tsukiko, I'm not your boyfriend, Light is."

"Yeah I know." I replied and jumped up on the exam bed. "I just hate doing these things alone."

Ryuzaki nodded as a nurse came in and took my temperature, height and weight.

"Turn around young man." She croaked.

Geez, she had to be in her 70's.

"Why? I see nothing wrong with taking her weight." He replied.

"Women are sensitive, so turn around!"

I laughed quietly as Ryuzaki turned around. The nurse shifted the weights around and mumbled my weight.

"Wait, did you just say 110 pounds?!" I exclaimed.

The woman looked to Ryuzaki, and considering I spilled the beans, she didn't bother to lie.

"Well yes. Is that a problem?"

I dropped six pounds in a month? What the hell was that about?

"No, not really." I replied.

The nurse nodded and muttered that the doctor will be in soon.

"You want to talk?" Ryuzaki asked as I jumped back onto the bed.

"About what?" I quipped as I kicked my legs back and forth.

"I don't know, tell me one strange fact about you.

_I own a Death Note._

Wait, speaking of Death Note, where's Malak? I looked around the room frantically, realizing I hadn't seen him since we were in school.

"What's wrong?" Ryuzaki asked, standing up.

"Nothing, just making sure no one's here."

I watched as Malak melted into the room. I sighed with relief as he approached me and whispered in my ear, "Sorry I took so long, I had some...unfinished business to take care of."

I didn't like the way he said 'unfinished business', but I left it at that as I addressed Ryuzaki's question.

"An odd fact about me? Well..let's see. I cry when I get angry."

"Everyone does Tsukiko."

"No, I mean like, _really_ cry. It's weird."

Before Ryuzaki could tell me a strange fact about himself, the doctor walked in, carrying her clipboard and tapping it, mumbling to herself.

"Morning Dr. Halsey," I greeted as she set the clipboard down.

"Good morning Tsukiko. According to your mother, you've been complaining of chronic fatigue."

"Yeah." I sighed and yawned a little. "It's been going on for a few months now. I try getting enough sleep, but it doesn't work."

"Have you had any sore throats or fevers or chills?"

"Chills, yes. Sore throats, yes fevers no." I replied.

"Hmm." She thought for a minute than stood up. "I'm going to take a blood test, just to be sure."

"Be sure of what?" I asked in a panic.

"Just to see if you have mono." She replied and motioned to a nurse outside.

In moments, the nurse brought a butterfly needle and an alcohol swab. I felt my vision blur and heart pound. Sensing my nervousness, Ryuzaki moved to my side and touched my arm.

"If you get scared, you can hold my hand."

I immediately clutched his hand, enjoying the electric sensation it brought. Doctor Halsey hummed as she searched for a vein, tied it of with a tourniquet, then swab my arm with the alcohol pad, and I gripped Ryuzaki's hand until my knuckles went white.

"One, two--"

The good doctor didn't even get to three when she jabbed me with the needle. I gasped and felt lightheaded as Ryuzaki stroked my arm with his free hand.

"Just relax." He whispered. "It'll be over before you know it."

I felt relieved when she withdrew the needle, untied the tourniquet and rolled my sleeve down. I winced as she tapped the small vial of blood. She looked down at me, and I couldn't see her icy blue eyes through the glare in her glasses.

"I'll send these to the local hospital for analysis and call you with the results." She said as we walked out of the room and out of the building.

"I parked across the street." Ryuzaki pointed to the small corner where the bitchin' firebird waited.

I nodded and stood at the crosswalk. Ot of pure instinct, I grabbed Ryuzaki's hand and made a mad dash across the street. I noticed he was parked next to a gas station.

"I'm getting a soda. You want something?" He asked.

"Yeah, get me a Diet Coke." I said, hopping into the car.

He nodded and ran inside, coming back out moments later with a Diet Coke with lime and a Dr. Pepper. I thanked him and cracked it open, welcoming the awesomeness of diet soda.

"Thank you for dragging me here Ryuzaki, it was really sweet."

"It was no problem really." He replied, leaning closer.

I assumed he was leaning in for a kiss, so I leaned away.

"I'm dating Light." I whispered.

He took my hand and again I shivered from his touch.

"He doesn't have to know."

With that, he took my chin in his hand and I kissed him. I didn't resist, his lips were so much softer than Light's, and his kiss was sincere.

Oh, what was I thinking?!


	9. Sunglasses

I exhaled heavily as we drove away, Malak following closely, eventually landing in the back seat and sitting calmly. I ejected No Doubt and put in Senses Fail's Still Searching and switched the track to Calling All Cars.

"Are you implying something?" Ryuzaki asked calmly.

"What? No, why?"

"I don't know, this fits your situation a little."

I watched as he took the exit to the school.

"No, we can't go back yet!" I whined.

"And why not?"

"Because you promised me aviators!"

"Damn." He whispered as he took another exit and back onto the highway.

I smiled contently as I leaned back. Malak hovered over my head and whispered, "Is he bothering you?"

"No, I think I like him." I replied quietly. "We'll wait and see how this pans out, okay?"

He didn't seem content with my answer, but I sat back up and sang the next verse.

"I don't have love left inside, inside  
And I don't have love left inside, inside  
Are you desperate for an answer?  
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now  
That's why I walked out."

Ryuzaki frowned at my singing, so I stopped.

"I didn't want you to stop." He remarked, pulling into the mall parking lot. "I just wish you wouldn't sing such depressing songs."

"Okay." I replied and he smiled as I sang Island In The Sun by Weezer, the only song that could ever cheer me up.

"When you're on a holiday  
You can't find the words to say  
All the things that come to you  
And I wanna feel it too

On an island in the sun  
We'll be playing and having fun  
And it makes me feel so fine  
I can't control my brain."

Ryuzaki hung his arm over my shoulder and I smiled and held his hand. Sure, I was dating Light, but he pretty much forced me into the relationship. With that aside, I was a woman and could do whatever I damn well pleased. I noticed Ryuzaki took me into an expensive sunglasses store, with designer shades like Gucci, Dolce and Gabbana, Fendi and various others. I cracked up as I picked up a pair of sunglasses.

"Can we say windshield?" I laughed as I put them on.

Ryuzaki smiled as I walked around, looking at all the glasses.

"You can pick whatever you want." He said as a saleslady gave us the up and the down.

"Someone is looking at you." Malak whispered.

I turned around the saleslady smiled that I-am-so-much-better-than-you smile and looked away, tending to a Paris-Hilton-wannabe.

"Bitch." I mumbled.

"You shouldn't be so mean." Ryuzaki scolded as I looked over a rack of sunglasses.

"Ryuzaki, I don't like designer glasses."

"Really?" He seemed genuinely surprised. "I thought girls loved them.."

"I'm not like other girls." I said with a smile as I took his arm and walked out.

By this time the saleslady decided to give us her attention.

"Did you find what you needed?" She asked in mock politeness.

"Nope, all your sunglasses suck, they're like windshields, we're heading over to Wal mart for some REAL sunglasses that will not let my retinas burn in _style_."

For the first time ever, Ryuzaki started laughing hysterically.


	10. Jealousy

"How about these?"

Ryuzaki held up a pair of black aviators. I put them on and looked in mirror.

"Nah, not big enough." I replied and raided another rack.

"What about these?"

This time it was a slightly bigger pair, except red. I tried them on and I looked pretty awesome.

"I like these." I replied and looked at the price.

"Can you believe it's fifteen dollars for this?" I sighed.

I was about to put it back on the rack when Ryuzaki stopped me.

"If you like them I'll buy them." He said, gently taking the glasses out of my hand.

I smiled as we checked out and walked into the blazing sunshine. Summer was coming up soon, so I ripped off the tags and slipped the glasses on, absent-mindedly grabbing Ryuzaki's hand. I gasped and attempted to let go but he held my hand, giving me a don't-deny-your-feelings look. I looked at my cell phone for the time and realized I had four missed calls from Light.

"Shit." I mumbled.

"Something wrong?" Ryuzaki asked as we got into the car.

"Yeah, Light's called four times, he's probably suspicious by now."

I pressed the send key and Light picked up after two rings.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"Well hello to you too baby." I dryly replied, trying to hide my feelings.

"I was so worried about you. I'm in lunch right now, are you coming back?"

"I'm not entirely sure." I replied, dodging Light's original question.

"You've been gone for hours, is everything alright?"

He seemed genuinely worried, but he's probably more jealous than worried.

"Yeah I'm fine. I lost my glasses at the doctor's so I had Ryuzaki--"

"Tsukiko! I could have bought you a pair!" Light snapped in jealousy.

Thank God for being quick on my feet.

"If you'd let me finish, I said I bought them myself."

His jealousy was starting to irritate me. I was starting to think maybe he was better off as my childhood friend rather than my boyfriend. Come to think of it, I technically wasn't dating him considering he forced me into the relationship.

"You still there?" Light snapped.

"Nope, I fell off a cliff and died." I replied sarcastically and hung up.

"Is everything..okay?" Ryuzaki asked, starting the car.

"No, Light is being a jealous bastard and I'm going to just..ugh!"

Malak tightly gripped my shoulders, making me jump. I always forgot he was there, considering he rarely spoke and was incredibly mysterious.

"You humans." He said.

I loved his voice. It was so deep, and masculine, but slighty rusty from age. His voice could kill a thousand men, or save them, depending on his mood. I've never seen him smile before, and seemed content with my mood for now.

As we drove away, I quietly changed the CD.

"Can I pick a CD?" Ryuzaki asked politely.

"You don't have to ask, it's your car." I replied.

"Dig around towards the back, there should be a CD for Hidden In Plain View."

I dug around, and sure enough, there was a CD by Hidden In Plain View. I popped it in and Ryuzaki switched the track to Bleed For You, and I lost my breath as the second verse began.

"She drowns herself until the images erase  
But the skin is bruised all along her thighs  
Nightmares repeat, refrain the memories remain  
In mental photographs haunting all the time  
So she shuts her eyes to you  
She tries to hide from you  
And she falls asleep into dreams where she is safe."

Ryuzaki was too busy drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to notice I passed out.


	11. Confrontation

"Tsukiko!"

Ryuzaki's voice sounded so hollow and so far away.

"Take..hospital." Was all I heard.

"No!" I screamed and bolted awake.

I was covered in a cold sweat and I was terrified for my own safety. The man who raped me wasn't in jail because I hadn't said anything. He could be out there, violating other women and it would be because of me.

"I have to tell you something Ryuzaki, but you have to swear never to tell ANYONE, not even Light."

His brows furrowed together in confusion, but he agreed. I took a deep shaky breath, and with my aviators still on so Ryuzaki couldn't see my face, I leaned close to his ear and barely whispered,

"I was raped a long time ago."

He stayed quiet for an undetermined amount of time. Suddenly he drew me tightly into his arms, and I broke down.

"It was never your fault." He whispered.

"I know, but...I could have said something sooner."

He let go and held my shoulders as we looked eye to eye. He took off my glasses and saw my smudged eyeliner and mascara. He didn't seem to care.

"You can't change the past Tsukiko. It wouldn't make a difference if you said it twenty years from now."

His words were comforting, but he didn't understand where I was coming from.

"Thank you." I whispered and hugged him tightly.

"There you are!"

Oh no, not now. Not him.

I turned around and Light was standing over the car, watching me hug Ryuzaki. He opened the door and grabbed my arm, dragging me out. I wriggled myself free and stood in front of him. He was a few inches taller than me.

"I know people say this all the time, but it really isn't what it looks like."

"Then enlighten me." He growled.

I was pissed that he didn't even see my smudges makeup, indicating that I was crying. For a super genius, he can be really dumb sometimes.

"Ryuzaki was comforting me, that's all." I whispered.

I had to tell him. I didn't want to, but in order to save Ryuzaki's life, I had to tell him.

"I'll kill him." Light growled and moved past me in slow motion.

I was surprised by this sudden slowing of time, but I took advantage of it and shoved Light back.

"Give me a second to explain."

He stood and waited patiently.

"I...I..."

My body involuntarily shivered. I was cold in the middle of May.

"I was raped, years ago."

Light's infuriated, jealous expression melted away and he drew me into his arms. He smelled amazing, and my arms found their way around his neck. I saw that Ryuuk was behind him, waving stupidly at me. I ignored him and felt used from Light. Now he was going to dig out the details of this guy and kill him. No way in hell was I going to let him do that, so I grabbed my sunglasses out of Ryuzaki's car. Malak quickly floated next to me as my fury burned, and I knew he knew it.

"Where are you going?" Ryuzaki called.

"Do you want a ride?" Light asked.

"FUCK BOTH OF YOU!" I screamed and continued down the road.


	12. Thirty Seconds

I stormed down the road and huffed as Malak quietly followed.

"Are they doing anything?" I asked Malak.

He turned around and peered down the road.

"No. Just arguing." He replied quietly.

I sighed and continued to walk, relaxing my shoulders and walking slower as Malak drifted next to me.

"Why do you bother with men?" He asked.

"I don't know. I really like Ryuzaki, but sometimes Light just...sweeps me away."

"You're like a siren," He remarked, "You mess with men's hearts and minds, then destroy them from the inside out."

I stopped walking and gaped at Malak.

"I am _not_ a siren!" I retorted.

"Whatever you say mistress."

I started to walk again, confused by the way he called me 'mistress'. I thought shinigami weren't supposed to serve humans, it was actually supposed to be the other way around. I pushed the thought aside and tried to strike up a conversation with Malak.

"What the shinigami realm like?"

"Boring."

"Oh. Do you like it here?"

"Not particularly."

"I see."

Most of the walk was spent in silence. I couldn't take it anymore, but before I could say anything, Malak spoke up first, which was a first.

"Did I tell you that you can have shinigami eyes?" He asked.

I continued to walk, Ryuzaki and Light slowly becoming smaller and smaller until I could no longer see them.

"No, tell me more."

"You can trade in your eyes for shinigami eyes, which can see a person's name and how long they have to live."

"And the catch?"

For the first, and probably the last, time I saw Malak smile, or smirk. It was hard to tell.

"Ah, I always knew you were smart," He said with a bit more life, "The catch is it costs you half of your life span. So if you have thirty years to live, you will have fifteen. or if you have six months, you will have three, and so on."

"Can you tell me how long I have to live?"

"No, I cannot, I'm afraid."

I turned to him and bore into his deep black eyes. I don't think they had pupils.

"Oh please, Malak-chan? Please?"

"No, it goes against the rules. I can tell you how long you have after you exchange them, if you wish."

I thought hard and touched underneath my blood red eyes. I always liked them, but having new eyes would seem to be a bit suspicious. Malak sensed my question and answered it before I could even ask.

"You will still have the color of your old eyes, just whenever you want someone's name, they will turn bright red, like this."

Malak's eyes turned into a bright red, which unnerved me a little. When he used this, I could see that he indeed did have pupils. He deactivated his power, his eyes were a light green instead of black.

"You can change your eyes color?" I asked.

"Yes," He replied simply, "Now do you want shinigami eyes or not?"

I thought for a few minutes, then smiled slightly.

"Okay. Do it."

"Are you sure? It's an irreversible process."

"Yes, I'm sure Malak. Hit me."

I felt a sharp pain for a few seconds, then a slight burning sensation, then a tingling, cooling sensation like menthol.

"It's done." Malak said smoothly.

I opened my eyes and everything still looked the same. I watched as a car drove slowly by and came to a halt.

"Do you need a ride, young lady? It's a long way into town." He said.

I activated my power, which barely changed my eye color, and saw his name was Watari and he had a few months to live. He had no surname, which was common in Japan. Ryuzaki, as far as I know, doesn't have a surname.

"No thank you sir," I replied politely, "I'll be fine."

"If you insist." He replied and rolled the window back up, driving away.

My stomach did flips as I walked away. This was such an amazing power, but, like everything, I had to use it wisely.

"So how long do I have to live Malak?" I asked.

He stared at me for a few moments.

"Thirty seconds."


	13. L

_**Thirty seconds?!**_ I began to panic wildly until I heard a faint, almost inaudible, chuckle.

"Malak?" I asked menacingly.

"What?" He replied innocently.

"How long do I have to live?"

"I told you. Thirty seconds. Make that eighteen seconds."

I tapped my foot and stared at him until he sighed.

"Okay okay...I was only joking. You actually have thirty years."

I sighed in relief, then glowered at him.

"It's not like you to be joking Malak."

"I know," He replied, "I'm beginning to take a liking to you, mistress."

Again with the mistress thing.

"You don't have to call me mistress you know." I said, continuing my long walk back to town.

"I know. I just like you, that's all."

"Oh okay. I like you too." I replied with a smile.

After a few hours, we finally arrived back home, my legs indescribably sore from the long walk when I heard the telephone ring.

"Tsukiko honey! It's for you!"

I groaned loudly and reached for the phone.

"Hello?" I answered rudely.

"Baby are you alright?"

Damn it Light!

"Yes, I'm fine. I wasn't raped or kidnapped if you must know."

"It's not funny."

"Who said I was trying to be funny?" I asked and started up the Xbox 360.

He ranted about how I shouldn't go around with Ryuzaki anymore, and I completely ignored him, playing Assassin's Creed until a few words brought me back to reality.

"You really need to be brought under control." He said quietly, thinking I wouldn't catch on.

"Excuse me?!"

"You need to be brought--"

"Yeah yeah, I heard what you said." I grumbled.

It was a stark silence until a high pitched female voice shrieked Light's name.

"Who is that?" I asked bluntly.

"I have to go." He mumbled and hung up the phone.

The voice sounded suspiciously like Misa Amane's. I sighed and hung the phone back on the receiver and continued to jump around on rooftops when the phone rang again. The caller ID showed up to be blocked, so I assumed it was Ryuzaki and picked up the phone.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just got home and off the phone with Light."

"How is he?"

"Fine I guess. I think it's safe to say we're over though."

"Why would you say something like that?"

His voice was soft and inquisitive, the thing I loved most about him.

"Because I heard Misa's voice and he said he had to go. Whatever, doesn't really matter to me."

I put the phone on speaker as I brushed my hair morosely, eventually putting it into a high ponytail.

"Okay then," He said finally and added, "I need to see you ASAP. I'll come pick you up."

"Okay," I replied, "See you soon."

"Bye."

"Bye." I replied and hung up the phone. 

I saved my game and shut it off, realizing I don't play enough video games and made a mental note to play them more often. 

"Mom, I'm going to see Ryuzaki."

"When will you be back?" She asked.

"I don't know. Whenever you want me to."

"Be back around seven. We're having friends for dinner and I need you here."

I glanced at the clock and noticed it was five o'clock. I heard a honk outside and ran out to see Watari holding the door open for me. I smiled and recognized him as the man who pulled over and asked me if I wanted a ride. He seemed like such a likable man, it was a shame that he had only a few months to live. I slid in and sat next to Ryuzaki who smiled at me and Watari shut the door.

"I have something very important to tell you." He said, offering me coffee.

I politely declined as listened as he told me one of the most life changing details I will ever hear in my life.

"My name is L, the man who conducts the Kira investigation and I would like your help."


	14. Hellride

My eyes went wide. I couldn't believe what he was saying! It had to be a joke, right? Some really bad, in poor taste joke? Ryuzaki, or L rather, read my mind and barely smiled.

"You must be confused. I'll have you know it isn't a bad joke." He said, dropping sugar cubes into his coffee.

"So...why do you need my help? I'm not a detective."

"Neither is Light, but I've employed his help as well."

So Light was helping with the Kira investigation? What better way to fool your enemies other than to make them think they're safe? Very clever Light, kudos to you.

"I'll help the best I can...L." I replied reluctantly after some careful thinking.

"Good. Just know that you don't have to do this, I simply welcome any cooperation you would give."

"Of course. You have my full cooperation. Now where are we going?"

Ryuzaki took a sip of his coffee and glanced at me over the rim of his cup. This was the first time I've ever noticed the dark, _**dark**_ rims under his eyes. Does he ever sleep?

"We're heading back to my hotel room,"He replied, then after seeing my expression he added, "Relax, it's my hideout. Nothing's going to happen."

I sighed in relief as the limo came to a slow stop. Watari opened the door for me and I followed L upstairs. He opened a door and kicked off his shoes, sighing. There was no one in the room but us. It was completely dark, save for a dim lamp in the corner.

"I thought you said this was your hideout." I remarked, setting my bag down.

"It is."

"Then why is no one here?"

"Truth be told Tsukiko, you're the only one who knows I am L. Well, the only female anyway."

I was slightly shocked, but not really considering his deep infatuation with me. I only hope it won't get in the way of anything.

"Why me?" I asked anyway.

"Because..." He paused momentarily, "I really don't know."

I rolled my eyes slightly and dug into my makeup bag.

"I'll be right back. I have to adjust my makeup."

"But you're not wearing any."

I smiled slightly. Observant, wasn't he?

"Exactly. Now I'll be back."

I went into the bathroom and flipped on the light. It was rather extravagant for a simple hotel bathroom, so it must be pretty expensive. I wonder where Ryuzaki...L...got the money from. As I applied my mascara I heard the door open and L talk in hushed tones. Someone was here, so I quickly finished up and left the bathroom.

"Come on, we're starting." Ryuzaki called out.

He must have been talking to me, so I calmly walked into the 'living room' and sat down next to a very shocked Light. Ryuzaki talked everyone's ear off about Kira and how he was called in to help and so on and so forth. Light and I were too busy whispering back and forth to each other to pay close attention.

"How long have you known?" He whispered.

"I learned shortly after you. He says I'm the only female who knows."

Light looked around the room.

"Well, he was right on that part."

"Is there something you'd like to share with us Light? How about you Tsukiko?"

My face burned in embarrassment. It was so immature to be talking while someone else was. That's something you learn in elementary school for crying out loud! I was about to make up a lie on the spot but Light intervened.

"Sorry L, we're still shocked." He gulped.

L didn't move.

"Just...don't do it again. And call me Ryuzaki from now on. Same goes for everyone."

I nodded and sighed quietly.

I was in for one hell of a ride.


	15. Sound the Siren

I sighed and shook as I left the room. Light followed close behind, unsure if he wanted to put his arm around me.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered as I reached for a cigarette.

"I didn't know you were a smoker." Light remarked as he took my lighter out of my hands and lit my cigarette for me.

"I only smoke in times of high stress." I replied and took a deep drag.

I continued to shake until Light put his arm around me. I stopped after a while, wondering what was going to happen next.

"Something's wrong." I whispered.

"What?" Light asked, staring at me.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"Don't ask me how I know, but something is wrong back home. I can feel it."

"Ryuzaki and I will give you a ride home then."

I threw my cigarette on the street and beat Light to the elevator. I knocked on Ryuzaki's door and he opened it, hesitating to let us back in.

"Ryuzaki, something is wrong back home. I don't know how or why, but I can feel it."

"And?"

"And I was wondering if you could give me a ride home."

He walked out of his room and motioned to Watari. We walked downstairs and into Ryuzaki's limo. I was too nervous to eat or drink and we spent the car ride in silence.

--

"Thank you Watari." I whispered and carefully climbed out of the door.

"Just shout if something's wrong." Light called as I shut the door.

I walked up to the door and shook terribly. The air became thicker and it was harder to breathe as I smelled death in the air. I steadied my nerves and walked in the door to find blood _everywhere_. It was on the walls, floor and ceiling. I rushed inside screaming for my parents and daddy was in the kitchen with a knife, stabbing a bloody body.

"Mom!" I screamed and ran into the kitchen, slipping and falling on the blood.

My ankle started to swell as I stared at her body. Her face was beaten so badly she was indiscernible. I threw myself on her and screamed. Daddy stood over me, his body covered in blood and he was crying.

"I..tried to protect her. Protect you..."

"How could you?!" I screamed.

I remembered what Light said and ran out the door, my nice white shirt covered in blood. Light and Ryuzaki erupted from the car, Light clutching me wildly.

"She's gone!" I screamed until I was hoarse.

Light handed me to Ryuzaki who pulled me onto the ground and I rested on his shoulder. He tried to calm my trembling but it didn't help. Soon police showed up and their guns were in their hands as they screamed at daddy to get out of the house _now_.

"She's gone." I whispered hoarsely.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay."

"No."

I was incapable of thinking. The world was rushing by a terrible speed and I was destined to be swept along. I watched as a dozen policeman, including Mr. Yagami, dragged daddy out of the house with his head down.

"Tsukiko.." He whispered.

I stood up and stared at him. He reared up and headbutted me in the face. Mr. Yagami punched him in the face and threw him in the car and instructed another officer to take him away. I fell to the ground and stopped my crying and trembling. The blood ran out of my nose as I lay in the street, perfectly still. The world was shattered and quiet. until I heard the screaming sirens as it nearly ran over my head and screeched to a stop and ran into the house. One man looked outside and shook his head at Light. A stretcher carried my mother's body, completely wrapped in white, away from the house and into the ambulance. Someone grabbed me roughly and pulled me up, shining a light in my eyes.

"Are you feeling dizzy?" The man asked.

I couldn't answer. He shined the light in my eyes for a few seconds, then lightly touched my nose, which evoked the first human sound from me in the last twenty minutes.

"It's broken." The man sighed, as if he saw this kind of thing every day.

"Broken?" Light asked.

The man nodded and offered to adjust it here, or he could take me to the hospital and doctors could do it.

"Take her to the hospital." Mr. Yagami said.

"I'm sorry sir, but you have no power to do that."

"Yes I do. By her parents' wishes, if anything was to happen to them I would become her legal guardian. Now take her to the hospital."

"Y-yes sir." The man seemed reluctant, but put me in the ambulance anyway.

"Would you like to accompany her?" The man asked.

"Light, you can go with her. Ryuzaki and I will follow."

Light climbed into the ambulance and it whirred away soundlessly.


	16. Long Time No See

"So…?" Light asked as I shook, covered in a blanket sipping hot coffee.

I pushed away a man who shone a light in my eyes and screamed at him for suggesting psychiatric therapy.

"Fuck you, I'm not crazy!" I screamed, choking on tears.

"No one's saying you're crazy Tsukiko." Light whispered.

Out of pure habit, I stood up and crossed the ambulance to him and lay my head on his shoulder. He caressed my black hair and whispered sweet nothings to me. Maybe I was wrong about him being a jerk..

Malak suddenly melted into the ambulance, looking at me with a look of both terror and jealousy. I ignored him at first, until he whispered to me the words I would probably never hear again in my life,

"I'm so sorry."

I almost blurted out, but it would be odd as it would look like I was talking to myself. The ambulance came to a soft stop and a man told me we arrived at the hospital. Light hopped out the back first, then took my hips and helped me out as well. Mr. Yagami and Ryuzaki were already waiting in the parking lot. I chuckled as they ran to me.

"Only in Japan can you get two good friends to the hospital before an ambulance."

Mr. Yagami hugged me tightly, completely ignoring my joke.

"I'm so sorry Tsukiko."

"It's alright Mr. Yagami, you didn't do anything."

"I know, but I can't help it."

I sighed gently and followed the EMT into the hospital where they immediately put me into a room. A handsome doctor approached me, staring at my crooked nose.

"My my, what happened here?"

"I got into a fight at school." I lied.

The doctor checked his watch skeptically.

"It's six o'clock."

"I know, I was going to set it back myself, but my mother objected, and we've been arguing for hours."

The doctor nodded, and looked at my nose. I didn't realize until he got closer and I saw him name that he was American.

"So..doctor Dwyer?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Is it permanent?"

He merely chuckled and put on a stethoscope, holding it against my chest..

"Not at all. Now take a deep breath."

"Why? I only have a broken nose."

"It's standard procedure for abuse victims."

"Abuse?!" I shouted, leaping off the table, "I wasn't abused, my father killed my.."

Dr. Dwyer smirked at me. He knew this entire time about my father and my mother. Nonetheless, I wasn't abused.

"Now please lift up your shirt and take deep, slow breaths."

I jumped back onto the exam table and lifted my shirt up. I gasped as the cold metal brushed against my exposed skin, but I ignored it after some time. He face was riddled with concern as he listened to my breathing.

"Are you asthmatic?" He asked after putting his stethoscope back around his neck.

"No, why?"

He nodded and grabbed a clipboard from his desk, flipping a few papers around then peering at me over his glasses with a look that frightened me. I couldn't remember much about my attacker, except the look he gave me. Dr. Dwyer gave me the same look, that look of violent lust…

"Do you have problems breathing after hard exercise?"

"Yes." I replied, ignoring the look.

"Mmhmm. And do you have problems breathing in cold? What about during extreme emotions?"

"Yes and yes." I replied, unsure of where this was going.

"Alright. Hate to say it Miss Namida, but you have asthma."

Oh. That would explain why it's been so hard to breathe for a while. I didn't want to tell him about my difficulty breathing, so I didn't. This man was making me feel very uncomfortable very fast. He signed off a few prescriptions and told me to take it easy and that I could leave, but someone had to drive me.

"Thank you doctor."

"You're welcome." He replied so slowly that it forced me to turn around and peruse him.

Come to think of it, he looked _a lot_ like my attacker.

"You know me, don't you?" I asked cautiously.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You know me," I replied a little louder, coming back in and slamming the door shut, "You've known me since before this visit."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He chuckled and approached me.

I got very close to him. He was a giant compared to me.

"You know me the way a rapist knows his victim."

The glint of a scalpel caught my eye, and I moved out of the way just as he tripped me. I fell to the floor on my hands and my breathing became labored and difficult. He launched himself on me and roughly turned me over to face him. His hot breath warmed my bare shoulder.

"It was a mistake to let you go." He whispered harshly.

Again Malak melted into the room and knocked him off of me and tugged me up. I ran out of the room as fast as I could, literally running into Ryuzaki.

"Why, Tsukiko, what's the matter?"

"Get me the fuck out of here." I cried as my breathing became more and more struggled.


	17. Ambulance again? When will it end?

"Tsukiko, you're not well. You have to stay," Ryuzaki whispered, but when he saw me crying, he sighed, "Alright. Get in the car, we'll take you somewhere else."

Dr. Dwyer erupted from his exam room, hair a total mess, breathing hard. We had a harsh stare down that spelled out the same thing for both of us.

**This is no where near finished.**

Light gave me a piggy-back ride into the parking lot, and put my shaking frame down in the front of the car. After his father got into the car, he turned to me.

"What the hell is wrong?"

"That's him Light. That's him."

"Who's what?" He was starting to get impatient that I made him look like a fool.

"Light please, let me handle this." Ryuzaki sighed and approached me.

For once, he didn't look determined or upset or puzzled. He looked sincere and gentle. He gave me a small smile, which was something he rarely did.

"What's the matter Tsukiko?"

"Dr. Dwyer was the man who…"

I trailed off, but they got the point. Ryuzaki looked away towards the hospital, wondering a man like him could become a doctor, and Light raised his fists to his forehead, sighing explosively. I knew what he was thinking; the good doctor was so close, but he didn't kill him.

"Ryuzaki, get in the car please. There's something I'd like to tell Light."

Ryuzaki obeyed without a word, and I grabbed Light by the collar menacingly.

"If you kill him without my permission Light, your world will be a living hell. Got it?"

He brushed my grip from him, and stuck his finger in my face.

"And what makes you think you can order me around?"

"Because dear, I'm not the only one here with a Death Note."

Before Light could ask another question, I jumped into the car. Mr. Yagami put his hand on Ryuzaki's seat and turned around.

"Now what in the world was that about?"

"Nothing Mr. Yagami. Light and I just got into a fight, that's all. We do this all the time."

He shook his head and started the car, with Light getting in on the opposite side. The middle seat was empty, in which Malak sat, being the referee should Light and I start monkey slap boxing. Malak turned towards me and whispered,

"Don't answer me now, but why on earth would tell him you have a Death Note? That will only cause problems, mistress."

I really wish he would stop with the 'mistress' nonsense.

"Should we take you home Tsukiko?" Ryuzaki asked without turning around.

I spared a glance at Light. He was staring menacingly out the window.

"If it wouldn't be a problem."

"Not at all." Mr. Yagami sighed.

--

"Thank you again." I said cheerfully as I stepped out of the car. I stared at the house, which was now considered okay for me to enter. Ryuzaki got out of the car and waved to Mr. Yagami, who drove away.

"There's no sense in letting you doing this alone."

I smiled at his kind gesture and we walked in carefully. It was free of any blood, but I could still see it. I watched myself run past me, covered in blood, and collapsed on my knees.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." Ryuzaki said, sinking to the floor with me.

"No, I'm glad we came. Now the healing process can begin." I replied, getting up.

I didn't cry when I stared at the place where I found my mother's body. Instead, Ryuzaki put his arm around me. We headed upstairs to my room and I sighed, entering my room and plopping myself on the bed. Ryuzaki joined me and laid next to me, staring at the ceiling, which was covered in glow-in-the-dark spots.

"You're ceiling is…interesting." Ryuzaki commented, trying to strike up a conversation that had nothing to do with mother's death.

"It's even cooler at night, 'cause it glows in the dark. I can show you if you want to sleep over again tonight."

Ryuzaki smiled, remembering our first encounter.

"I'd enjoy that."

I stared at him for a while, engrossed in his eyes. They were a grey-ish black, a color I had never seen before. He was hard, determined and childish on the outside, but on the inside he was determined, childish and _sweet_. Ryuzaki leaned forward to kiss me, and I let him. Soon enough we were hardcore making out and Ryuzaki ran his hand up my thigh. I broke the kiss.

"What are you doing?" I exasperated.

"Sorry." He replied and went back to the other side of the bed.

"I'm sorry Ryuzaki, it's just that I don't think I'm ready yet, y'know?"

He smiled at me and I kissed him again, this time softer and less aggressive. His lips were very soft and kissable, which was something I liked. Light's lips were no where near as soft as Ryuzaki's.

"I think I like you." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled, but frowned when I remember how sweet Light could be when he wasn't in I'm-an-asshole-because-I'm-Kira phase. I pushed the thought aside and looked at Ryuzaki.

"I think I like you too."

I didn't even realize my asthma attack had stopped before, but it started again, this time more subtle. I barely noticed until Ryuzaki looked at me with a panic look in his eyes.

"What?" I was struggling to breathe.

"You're face is an ashy grey."

Oh God no. Please don't let it be..

I looked down at my fingernails, and sure enough, they were blue. We had no car, the hospital I wanted to go to was miles away. Ryuzaki rushed to the phone and hurriedly dialed 911.

"Please, we need an ambulance." He was panicking.

He gave them my address, and I tried harder to breathe normally. Since I was _just_ diagnosed with asthma, I had inhaler to help me. I heard Ryuzaki tell them not to send an ambulance from the Kyoto district. Ryuzaki hung up the phone, then looked at me, and picked it up again.

"Hello Light…no I'm not, I'm calling to ask you to meet us at Tsukiko's house. I've called an ambulance and they should…no, don't. Okay. Bye."

"You called…" I couldn't finish my sentence.

Soon the whirring siren was back in front of my house. Light was running down the street as the ambulance personnel brought me out in a stretcher. I had to admit, that was a tad bit extreme, but they had to get me out, considering I might fall down the stairs if I walk. Light leaned over the stretcher and stared at me and the breathing mask and my grey face.

"I'm so sorry Tsukiko, we should have--"

The ambulance personnel ended the conversation as they loaded me in and Ryuzaki, Light and Malak hopped in.


	18. Malak's Past and Present

"_Everything will be okay_," I almost heard my mother whispering, "_Close your eyes, Tsukiko, everything will be okay._"

The voice didn't sound like my mother however, but I closed my eyes anyway. I felt a cold hand pat my cheek, and I struggled to stay awake.

"Don't close your eyes."

Ryuzaki sounded so hollow and so far away that I began to cry. We finally stopped at the hospital and Ryuzaki and Light leapt out of the car, following me to the hospital doors. The doctors calmly attended to my needs and started to prepare an IV. I was taking a few nursing courses at school, so when I saw they were putting steroids in, I began to cry again.

"Sugar, don't cry," A nurse whispered, "Don't cry now. You'll get better."

"Yes, but I'm not going home tonight, am I?"

The nurse looked at the bag that hung over my bed and sighed.

"I'm afraid not. You need to be in ICU, now."

I wanted to cry again, but crying merely aggravated my attack. I held it in as Ryuzaki stared out the window morosely and Light hovered over me. I saw Ryuk staring out the window and Malak was watching him menacingly. The bars went up next to my bed and the nurses wheeled me into the elevator. Light followed until the nurses told him he couldn't visit me until tomorrow.

"Promise me she's going to be alright?!"

"She will be fine sir, for now you have to go home."

Light screamed just as the elevator shut, and I started to laugh slightly.

"Is that your boyfriend?" A nurse asked.

"No, he's a close friend. He can be really mean sometimes, but he usually means well."

"That other friend of yours, the one with the dark hair, is awfully cute." One nurse chuckled.

I wanted to laugh, but I found that I was unable to. The nurses wheeled me into a dark room to which the flipped on the light. The walls were a dull cream color and the tile was a bleach white. Menacing looking technology waited for me on the walls and ceiling. The nurses hooked me up with an EKG and a breathing mask, flipping off the light and saying goodnight. The only good part about being in ICU was the view it gave me. I sighed at the beauty of the lights at night, the rushing of cars going by, the people chatting their lives away, the pulse of life. My peace was broken when I saw Malak walk in.

"Malak!" I whispered cheerfully.

I was so happy to see him. I needed a friend to talk to, although if the nurses caught me, they might think I'm hallucinating and give me more drugs. Then again, I could just say it's a side-effect. Malak seated himself next to me. I smiled at him, and stared for a while at his face. His purple hair was now messier than ever, his lips appeared sewn shut, but smiled ever so slightly, and his eyes were a beautiful shade of blue. He seemed to be happy today.

"I brought this for you." He whispered and handed me my death note.

I clutched to it wildly, almost afraid it would strip me of Malak's presence if I let it go.

"Malak, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Why do you hate Ryuk so much? Did something happen between you two?"

His eyes changed to a deep red, and I could see I was making him angry. He answered my question anyway.

"Ryuk is scum, as you humans would put it. He killed a human I had been watching for some time, a human I planned on giving my death note to. He did it on purpose, I am sure of it."

Somehow, I felt there wasn't enough to this story, but I left it at that until Ryuk appeared through the window. He shooed Malak away and sat in the chair.

"What are you doing here?" Malak and I asked at the same time.

"Light just wanted to be sure you are safe."

I nodded, and my gaze averted to Malak.

"Malak, go downstairs and tell Light I am doing well, please."

He nodded and reluctantly disappeared. Ryuk munched on an apple, and the oxygen running through my nose irritated me.

"Ryuk, why does Malak hate you?"

"Because I killed a human he was watching." He replied.

He must have known I was searching for a deeper answer, because he chuckled.

"Malak isn't all what you think he is. He barely qualifies as a Shinigami."

"How so?" My curiosity was growing like a tidal wave.

Eventually it would crash down on me and take me away.

"He falls in love with humans too easily. He gives up his death note for a beautiful female human, then she dies, he gets upset, then finds another, and the cycle continues. He calls them his 'mistress' and does anything to keep them safe."

"Is that why you killed the woman he was watching?"

"I killed her to hopefully send a lesson to Malak. Obviously it didn't get through his thick skull."

I wanted to cry and beat Ryuk at the same time, both of which were impossible at the moment.

"Malak loves you Tsukiko. He cares too much for humans and will die for you if he needs to. You are the first human to make him feel….human."

I made a Shinigami feel human? Malak loved me? _Me?!_

That was impossible. I would have to ask him for myself.

What's even more impossible is that I believe I have developed feelings for him too, the way a child develops feelings for her guardian. Malak was my guardian, but I didn't want him to die because of me, or for me for that matter.

I loved Malak, but not the way he loved me.


	19. Finally, some good news!

--MALAK'S POV--

I sighed and tore a piece of Tsukiko's death note to give to the disgusting human known as Light Yagami. Can't she see he's only using her? Can't she see he doesn't love her the way the other human does?

_Can't she see the way I love her?_

I shook away my thoughts of Tsukiko and floated downstairs to where Light rested in a chair, with the human Misa resting in his lap. I slipped the paper into his hand and slowly woke him up.

"Light Yagami." I said with disgust.

"Another Shinigami? What do you want?"

"Tsukiko sent me relay a message, but one thing first."

He perked up, realizing I was the owner of Tsukiko's death note.

"If you have any intention of harming Tsukiko, I will not hesitate to kill you. I know how fickle you disgusting humans can be. If you even think about using her the way you use Misa, you will die Light Yagami."

He merely smirked, unmoved by my threat.

"Then you will die too…"

"I am aware of the consequences Light."

Misa stirred in her sleep and awoke, realizing Light was talking.

"Is something wrong Light?" She whispered.

"No Misa, go back to sleep."

She obeyed and fell back to sleep on his lap.

"You may have her around your finger Light Yagami, but I will not let you toy with Tsukiko. She is far too precious for your treachery."

Light rested his hand on his chin and stared at me.

"So I assume Tsukiko is doing alright?"

"She is fine, do not concern yourself with her."

With that, I floated back upstairs to Tsukiko's side.

--NORMAL POV, TWO WEEKS LATER--

Ryuzaki sat silently in a chair next to my bed, sleeping soundly. I smiled at him, realizing I had never seen him sleep before. He stirred awake when he heard the nurse walk in with a wheelchair.

"Good news Tsukiko, you're going home!"

"Finally!" I chuckled, throwing my feet over the bed.

Ryuzaki helped me up and into the wheelchair while Mr. Yagami filled out the necessary paperwork at the nurse's station. The nurse rambled on about if I have such and such symptoms then to immediately return and so on and so forth. I nodded sleepily and pushed myself down the hallway, doing wheelies up to the elevator.

"Yeeeeeeeeah boiiiiiii!!" I screeched, doing donuts until the elevator stopped at our floor.

"It's good to know she's better." Light sighed, pushing me into the elevator.

We wheeled outside into the blazing sunshine and I sighed at the beauty.

"You might want these." Ryuzaki said, slipping on my aviators for me.

Light helped me get up from the wheelchair and into the car, shutting the door. He climbed in on the other side with Misa in the middle and Ryuzaki in the front seat. Mr. Yagami climbed in and started the car, driving away back home.

--

Ryuzaki helped me out of the car and back in front of my house. I sighed at the tragic beauty of it as Mr. Yagami rolled down the window.

"Are you sure you want to stay here? You're always welcome with us."

"Thank you, but I'm still waiting for a phone call from the doctor and my lawyer should be calling soon."

Mr. Yagami shrugged and drove away as Misa and Light waved goodbye. I opened the front door and kicked off my shoes, sighing and plopping myself down on the couch. Ryuzaki flopped himself casually next to me, flipping on the TV and surfing through some channels. Malak was quiet as usual, then the phone rang. I struggled to get up and answer it.

"Hello?" I asked, hoping it was either Dr. Halsey or my lawyer.

"Tsuiko?"

Only one person in the world pronounced my name like that. I sprang from the couch and closer to the phone so I wouldn't have to stretch the cord the much.

"Marie? Ou est-tu?" (where are you?)

"Avec ta mere. Est-tu d'accord?"

My world shattered around me. This had to be a lie, there was no way she was with my mother.

"Marie, Je veux parler avec ma mere."

There was a little static, and a hesitant, terrified voice came on the phone.

"Tsukiko, my love? Is that you?"

I breathed in sharply as the tears rolled down my face.

Mommy! That is you! Where the hell are you?"

"Watch your language young lady!"

"Sorry mom, you have no idea how much of a relief it is to know you're alive! What happened?"

"It's the damn maid's fault. She wanted us dead so she could take the money and run. She nearly killed me, and your father doesn't know I'm still alive, so he killed her. Tsukiko, she didn't hurt you, did she?"

"No mom, I'm fine. Why would she do this?"

"She was always greedy honey. I wanted her out but your father kept giving her second chances."

Ah, so it was the typical greedy-butler-attempts-to-kill-daughter-and-hurt-family scheme.

"So where are you mommy? I want to see you!"

"Are you alone?"

"Yes mommy, I'm alone." I whispered, forgetting about Ryuzaki in the next room.

"Go to 482 Winchester lane. When you get to the door, ask for Scarlet, and tell the man at the door you're Rouge."

"What's with the alias?"

"I'm trying to be safe dear. Just follow those instructions, and we can see each other soon, alright?"

"Yes mother." I sighed with a wide smile.

"Bring that boy that's always hanging around you as well."

"You mean Light?"

"No, the other one. Ryuzaki, I believe his name is."

"Alright mom. See you soon."

"I love you Tsukiko."

"I love you too mommy."

With that said, I hung up the phone and screamed with joy.


	20. Titanic Disaster

Before I start this, I'd like to ask the hardcore fans of this story to please take my poll that's in profile. It's regarding a possibly new story with new characters.

Thanks!

--

Ryuzaki ran into the room, slipping and falling on the floor because he was wearing socks. I chuckled and helped him up as he had a panic look of terror. He touched my face wildly and turned my head several times.

"Is something wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Hurt! Hell no! Mommy's alive!"

"Alive? But--"

"She'll explain it all when we get there." I grabbed his wrist and ran out the door, not even bothering to lock it.

Malak followed behind quietly, and I wondered if he knew that I knew he loves me. I wondered if he was even jealous of Ryuzaki.

_Would he go so far as to kill him?_

I shook aside my morbid thoughts and knocked on the door my mother was supposedly staying in. A window slid open, revealing bright blue eyes.

"Can I help you?" He asked monotonously.

"I'm Rouge. I'm here to get Scarlet."

The door opened partially, and the man said in a low tone that Ryuzaki had to stay outside. He obeyed reluctantly and buried his hands in his pockets, turning away from the door. I walked inside and the man coyly introduced himself as Coil. I shook his hand and activated my shinigami eyes, seeing his name was actually Aber. He also had only a few months to live.

"What a shame." I blurted out.

"Hm?"

"You're handsome. It's a shame I have a boyfriend." I replied, thinking quick on my feet.

He smiled, and looked down, rubbing his nose a little. He then looked up the stairs and called my mother's name.

"Your daughter's here to see you."

A silhouette appeared on the stairs, and a woman walked down. She was my mother, but the recent events had taken a terrible toll on her body. She walked with a painful limp, one that was not physical, and her hair was completely grayed out. She held me in her arms and even her hug was different.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you." I sighed and hugged her back.

"Me too dear, me too."

Hell, she even lost that annoying regal tone. I never thought I would miss that. We walked outside into the brilliant sunshine when I felt time slow down again. I heard Aber scream 'wait', and a bullet barely zipped by my mother's head. I stared at Malak who didn't do anything, and watched as Ryuzaki and my mother slowly fell to the ground.

"Malak, what's happening?"

"I'm slowing down time for you. Hurry up."

I took advantage of this and covered my mother's head as we ran through the streets. Time sped up to normal speed as we rushed desperately through the streets, the shooter leaving pockets behind us. We ran into the house when the shooting stopped and heaved a heavy sigh.

"I'm calling the police." My mother said frantically and rushed to the phone.

When she picked it up, Ryuzaki calmly put it back on the receiver.

"Mrs. Namida, I'm part of the task force here in Japan. I promise I will look into this."

My mother looked to me, and I noticed the dullness creeping in on her beautiful blood red eyes. They barely held a luster anymore. I nodded to show her that he was telling the truth.

"I'm going upstairs to rest. Wake me around eight."

I looked to the clock and noticed it was three. I nodded and she walked upstairs and disappeared before I could ask her where Marie was. I ignored it anyway and Ryuzaki and I plopped down on the couch.

"We should watch a movie." He sighed.

"Yeah, let's watch a sappy romance flick!"

"Like?"

"Like _The Titanic_!"

Ryuzaki frowned at me, but I gave him the puppy dog eyes, which made me smile and grab me roughly into a hug.

"I can never say no to you." He chuckled and kissed my head.

I leapt from the couch and popped the DVD into the player while grabbing a box of tissues. Ryuzaki looked at me strangely as I rested them on the coffee table while curling up into his arms.

"I have to warn you now," I said, clicking the play button, "I cry like a baby whenever I see this movie."

Ryuzaki drew me tighter into his grip and smiled.

"Well that's why I'm here. To dry up your tears."

--

We were up to the scene where Jack starts to draw Rose naked, and I giggled, covering my eyes with my hand.

"Oh my poor virgin eyes!" I screeched to Ryuzaki's delight.

"Heh, I'd love to draw you naked anytime baby." Ryuzaki said coyly, failing miserably at an attempt to be a perverted asshole.

I leapt up from his lap and laughed loudly.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" I screamed between laughter.

Before he could repeat what he said, I started laughing again until my stomach started to hurt.

"I just can't believe you said that." I giggled, curling back into his lap.

We were coming up to the scene now where they have sex in the car, and I wondered what Ryuzaki was going to say next.

What I didn't realize in all the fun I was having with Ryuzaki, Malak was tapping a pen against his open death note, staring at Ryuzaki.


	21. Never Seem to Catch a Break

--MALAK'S POV--

I sneered at L's comment to Tsukiko about drawing her naked. She laughed, but it frankly was not funny. I held my pen in my hand and slowly spelled out the name that appeared over his head.

_L Lawlie…_

I couldn't write down the 't'. My hand trembled slightly as I drew a line and I barely hovered over the paper as I was about to cross the 't'. I looked back to Tsukiko who was curled into his chest, smiling at the sensation it brought her. Humans always say that if you love something, you must let it go.

I shut my notebook, but I was not about to let Tsukiko go.

--NORMAL POV--

My knuckles were pressed tightly against my lips as I watched the Titanic begin to sink. I sniffled as Jack begged Rose to get in the life boat and watched as they lowered her down. I snatched up a tissue and dabbed my eyes, laughing that I was crying over such a scene.

"Don't cry," Ryuzaki whispered, wiping my tears away, "I hate to see you sad."

I brushed his hand away and continued to watch the movie.

"Comfort me after the movie." I replied.

I was now almost to the point of bawling when Rose let Jack go because he froze to death. Ryuzaki got up and shut the movie off, wrapping his arms around me assuring me it was only a movie and that will never happen in real life.

"It doesn't change the fact that it's so sad!" I sniffled.

He dabbed my eyes with a tissue and kissed my forehead so gently that my crying stopped. I looked up at him and smiled.

"I will never let you go Tsukiko." He whispered.

"I don't want you to let me go." I replied.

"Besides, she said she would never let him go, so why did she? And why didn't she move her fat ass over so he could get on?" Ryuzaki joked, trying to make me laugh.

It worked, and soon enough, I forgot why I was crying in the first place. I got up and stretched and was irritated by the silence in the house. Ryuzaki and I went upstairs to my room and switched on the Xbox.

"What do you want to play?" I asked.

Ryuzaki dug through my games, trying to decide. He laid out Halo 3, Viva Piñata! Party Animals, and Call of Duty 4.

"I'd prefer to watch you play a game." He replied finally.

I shrugged and reached for Civil War: A Nation Divided and popped it in.

"You like this game?" He asked.

"Yeah," I replied and loaded my file, "It's a pretty sweet game. Historically accurate too, for the most part."

(Note to readers with short attention spans: Prepare for some boring education)

I was on Devil's Den, sniping out the Confederates who dared to even approach this place. My tongue was sticking out and I was leaning forward, completely concentrated.

"Did the Civil War actually have sniper rifles?" Ryuzaki asked, staring at the screen.

"Yes, actually." I replied without missing a beat.

"Have you ever been to Devil's Den?" He asked again.

I put the game on pause and faced him.

"No actually. I hear it's haunted though."

Ryuzaki nodded.

"I've been there a few times. While I was at the top of Devil's Den, I watched a black shadow dart up the hill, taking cover behind some rocks and the bodies of his comrades."

I shut off the 360 at this point, completely concentrated on Ryuzaki's stories.

"Did you see anything else?"

"Yes. While in Gettysburg, there's a statue there that turns around and has angry red eyes. I never saw it turn around, but a few people did. There's also a place near Devil's Den called The Triangle that all technological equipment fails."

"Did you lose anything in The Triangle."

"Yes. My cell phone failed and my CD player never worked again."

"Wow." I whispered.

I had always wanted to go to Gettysburg, but traveling to America was dangerous and expensive. Maybe Ryuzaki and I will go sometime.

(PS: Everything I said about Gettysburg is actually true. Readers should take their parents hostage and force them to go there. It's an amazing place.)

"Let's go see what Light and Misa are up to." I suggested.

"Good idea." Ryuzaki replied and glanced at the clock.

It was almost eight, so I walked down the hall and knocked gently on my mother's door. I didn't get an answer.

"Mom?" I whispered, opening the door, "It's eight o'clock. Time to get up."

I switched on the light and moved toward her bed, rolling her over. Her eyes were shut and she was cold.

"Oh for fuck's sake." I said between clenched teeth and called 911.

"You never seem to catch a break." Malak quipped as I gave the operator my address.

I hung up the phone and attempted CPR. I listened for breathing and a pulse, found none, and continued. Ryuzaki came into the room and saw me performing CPR and picked up the phone.

"I already called." I said calmly, listening for some breath.

I felt warm air tickle my air and sighed with relief. I heard the whirring sirens stop in front of the house and the ambulance personnel rush up the stairs.

"In here!" Ryuzaki called out.

The personnel placed her in the stretcher and placed a mask over her face, squeezing a bag to get her some oxygen. They rushed her down the stairs as Ryuzaki and I followed, watching them load her in.

"Would you like to ride with her?" A woman asked me.

"No. I have to see a close friend, then we will follow."

"We are taking her to the local hospital, is that alright?"

"That's fine, just go." I replied shortly and ran down the road toward Light's house.


	22. Funeral

I burst into Light's house, quickly saying hello to Mr. and Mrs. Yagami.

"Tsukiko, honey, what's the matter? You're all tired out." Mrs. Yagami asked.

"There's really no time to explain," I panted, "My mom was still alive, but she might be dead."

"Do you need a ride to the hospital?" Mr. Yagami asked, jingling his keys.

"No, I just need to talk to Light."

I ran up the stairs and pounded on Light's door. I heard curse under his breath and stumble around the room. He finally opened the door and I threw myself in. Misa was laying on his bed, not too happy to see Light's seemingly-crazy ex-girlfriend burst through his door.

"Tsukiko, what the hell? We're kind of in the middle of something."

"Sex can wait Light. Mom's dead."

"We weren't having--" Light said, then stopped.

"I don't know what happened. I went to wake her up, but she was cold as ice. I'm scared and I want you to come with me to the hospital."

"Well if Light goes then I do too." Misa chimed, leaping off the bed and throwing her arm around Light's.

"Fine, we just need to get there."

"I'll drive then." Light said, running downstairs.

I followed him along with Malak and Misa, and together we drove towards the hospital. I clutched onto my death note wildly, and I suppose Misa must have noticed.

"You have a death note too?" She chimed.

I immediately threw it under the seat.

"Death note? What are you talking--"

"Oh, there's no need to be shy! I have one too. Can we see each other's shinigami?"

"I suppose." I replied and retrieved my death note, tearing out a small piece.

Misa tore a small piece of hers too and we exchanged papers. I noticed next to me a female shinigami that was white and had very long arms like Malak's, and had white hair with purple tips. She had yellow eyes, one of which was covered by her hair, and purple lips.

"Hello." I greeted.

"Hello." She replied.

"Aw, Tsukiko your shinigami is so handsome!" Misa squealed.

"His name is Malak." I replied and leaned into him.

"My shinigami's name is Rem."

"Cool." I replied as we pulled into the hospital.

I got out of the car but Light tugged on my collar. He pushed me into the car and had his arm next to my head, preventing any kind of escape.

"Misa, you go ahead and check in. I have to talk to Tsukiko for a minute."

"But Light--"

"Now."

Misa sighed and walked ahead with Rem trailing behind her, giving us glances every now and then. When Misa disappeared into the building, Light sighed and straightened up.

"Are you going to be alright? You know your attacker is in there."

"I'll be fine. As long as I have you or Malak, or any kind of crowd, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Thanks for caring."

He smiled slightly, and it tugged at my heart. I was in love with Light since we were little kids, but ever since he became 'Kira', it broke my heart. The good was still inside him, locked away. It made me want to get closer and unlock that goodness, but with Ryuzaki and Misa in the way, that would be impossible. We headed inside, and a nurse called us in. We walked down a long hallway and into ICU, which frightened me. In a big room was many tubes and wires and beeping sounds, similar to when I was in ICU, but much worse. In a bed laid the small frame of my mother.

"Mrs. Namida, your daughter is here to see you." A nurse whispered gently in her ear.

Her dull red eyes opened and it could have broken my heart, seeing her so helpless. Light offered me a chair and I pulled close to my mother.

"Mommy, I'm so glad to see you." I whispered, choking back tears.

"Tsukiko, baby." She cooed.

I held her hand for a while as the EKG seemed to get slower. I looked at the lines around her mouth and chuckled.

"Remember when I begged you to quit smoking?"

She nodded slightly.

"I would always tell you that you'd get lines around your mouth. Then you told me you could always get Botox and lit up another cigarette."

"Then you snuck off into your room with one of my cigarettes." My mother chuckled dryly.

I nodded slightly and couldn't help the tears slide down my cheeks. She lifted a feeble, old hand and wiped them away. Her hands were so cold.

"Don't cry Tsukiko. Only little girls cry."

"I am a little girl mommy. I haven't grown up yet."

She again, chuckled dryly.

"Then you have to grow up baby. I can't shelter you all your life. It's a cruel world filled with cruel people. You can't stay a baby or a little girl for long."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Light glance at his watch which infuriated me.

He only glanced at his watch when he was killing someone.

I gave my mother one last kiss on her forehead and whispered, "I love you mom."

She never answered me because the EKG line went flat.

--

I stood up and sighed with the hymnal in my hands. I flipped it to some odd page and straightened my dress. It was odd seeing my mother's coffin so black and covered with flowers. The hymnal started, and even though I wasn't religious, it would make my mother happy if I sang.

"_I was there to hear your borning cry_

_I'll be there when you are old_

_I rejoiced the day you were baptized_

_To see your life unfold_."

I put my head down and shuffled my feet. Ryuzaki gripped my hand and the tears streamed down my face again. I always hated this song played at funerals, but it was my mother's favorite, so I had to put up with it for now. I smiled to myself as I remembered Mr. Yagami making the preparations and when he wrote down the song 'I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry', he wrote down so fast and the pen skipped, so it looked like 'I Was There to Hear You Burn and Cry.' I was now at the point of quiet giggling and Light smiled, remembering what I was laughing about. The hymn ended and we sat down. The pastor went up to give a sermon.

"Tsukiko, your mother was one hell of a woman." She started with a bright smile.

She was a few years younger than my mother, but was no where near as boring. She always told the best jokes and funny stories, so I was somewhat looking forward to the sermon. I noticed a few police officers in the back, glancing at Mr. Yagami. It was sweet of them to offer their condolences, but it's really a pain in the ass when everybody shakes your hand hugs you and cries with you. I suppose I had to get used to it when my father would die.

Speaking of father…

He strolled in the door, obviously late, followed by an armed escort. I moved over and he sat next to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"It's alright dad." I replied as more tears slid down my face.

The funeral ended and my father and I went to the front of the church and prepare for bombardments of hugs and kisses and handshakes. Ryuzaki was the first with a quiet peck on the cheek and a hug. Then it was Light with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then Misa with another kiss on both cheeks and a tight hug. Damn, three people down and I was already annoyed with this. Mr. Yagami gave me a fatherly hug and a kiss on the top of my head, then it was the two people that kept glancing at him.

"My name is Aizowa, and this is Matsuda. We heard about your mother's loss and wanted to say how sorry we are." One man said with an afro.

The other one was kind of cute with messy black hair. He shuffled his feet nervously.

"Hi Matsuda. I'm Tsukiko and it's a pleasure to meet you." I held out my hand and he shook it nervously.

"Hi Tsukiko. I'm really sorry about your mom and all."

He was like a little kid which made me smile.

"Thank you."

The funeral eventually OFFCIALLY ended and I walked outside into the brilliant sunshine and got into Mr. Yagami's car and up the graveyard where my mother would be buried.

--

"_Thanks be to God._"

With that, they lowered her into the earth as my father had his arm around my shoulder.

"No contact." His armed escort said brusquely.

"Fuck you, it's my mother's funeral." I whispered.

"I said, no contact." He said again, this time a little more ominous.

My father let go of my shoulder and placed it in his pocket. We were dismissed and I gave me father a tight hug and a kiss.

"Make sure Mr. Yagami takes damn good care of you."

"I will dadd--dad."

I almost said 'daddy', but I had to remember what my mother said about growing up.

"I'll come see you once a week dad." I said and hugged him again.

"Sounds good to me." He replied and got into a police car.

I got into Mr. Yagami's car and was unable to think for the rest of the day.


	23. Baby Room

I went back to Light's house, considering it would be impossible for me to stay there for the next few days. Light, Ryuzaki and Misa were with me, so that made the pain bearable. No one could say a word though.

"What do we do now?" Misa asked quietly.

"Now? Probably sell my house and all the shit in it."

"Why would you do that?" Light asked.

"Because your dad is now my legal guardian. Plus, the house always was too big for me."

"What about your Xbox 360 and games?" Ryuzaki asked.

"Oh hell, I'll save those. Are you kidding me? Those would be the first things I'd save in a fire." I chuckled.

"Are you going to save anything else?" Mr. Yagami asked, suddenly in the doorway.

"Yes, I'll save my window in my room, some of my mother's jewelry, a few other things. Not many."

"Why a window?" Light asked.

"You know, that weird window dad got for me when I was a baby."

"Oh, that."

"You know, that window is actually all the shinigami." Malak whispered in my ear.

I cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing for now. He would have to explain that later.

"We should probably head over there now and get your clothes and stuff," Light suggested, "That is, if you're comfortable with it."

"Yeah, I'll be fine, let's go."

We walked down the road with Light glancing at me occasionally, keeping a mindless conversation with Misa about her being a model. I clutched Ryuzaki's hand tightly and he clutched mine too. We walked up to the front door and I took a deep breath. Light nodded me on and I opened the door. Everything looked exactly the same. I almost yelled out to mom and dad that I was home, so I laughed silently to myself.

"Where's your room?" Misa asked, which evoked an echo.

"Upstairs." I replied and walked up the long, elegant twisting steps.

We finally arrived in my room and I unplugged my Xbox and grabbed my games, putting them in a duffel bag carefully. I took my hairbrushes, my perfume and various other things. I opened a drawer in my vanity and my heart nearly broke. It was an old family picture I had put away for some time. It was beautifully framed and had me as a baby in the tub with my father washing me. He looked so young in this picture, so I suppose it was true that I made his hair grey. I tucked the photo into the duffel bag along with pictures on my mirror.

"Where are your clothes?" Light asked.

"In the closet." I replied and looked around in my room.

I stared up at the window which apparently had all the shinigami on it. Malak pointed to a few and named them off.

"There's Ryuuk, Rem, Jealous, and me." He said.

"Jealous?" I whispered.

"Yes. He's actually not alive anymore, but Rem can tell you that story."

I glanced behind me and Rem had no idea of what Malak was talking about. I don't even think she heard him. We packed the rest of the clothes and I sighed, going down the hall and into my mother's room. I carefully collected some of her most elegant jewelry and some of my father's fancy cufflinks.

"What would you need cufflinks for?" Ryuzaki asked.

"I'll save them if I get married and have a son." I replied and walked out.

I went through various rooms and eventually found one that looked like it was supposed to be a baby's room. It wasn't mine because the entire room was blue with teddy bears on it, and I never liked teddy bear décor when I was a baby.

"What in the world..?" Ryuzaki asked.

I looked inside the crib, and there was no baby in it. The entire room looked like my parents were getting ready for a boy, but mother wasn't pregnant. I would have seen something if she was, right?

"I thought you were the only child?" Ryuzaki whispered, looking around the room.

"That's what I thought. Either my parents had another kid that fucked up in life, or they're one of those weirdo parents that wanted a boy, didn't get one, then decked out this room for a baby boy."

"Both are possibilities." Ryuzaki said sternly, not realizing the joke he made.

I laughed and agreed, leaving the creepy room for now and going downstairs where Light and Misa waited with two full duffel bags.

"I think we've got everything." Light sighed and went into the living room.

"Wait! I want some movies!"

I dug through my DVD collection and grabbed The Titanic, The Boondock Saints, The Lion King, Bruce Campbell Versus Army of Darkness, Top Secret!, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, and other various movies.

(AN: If you haven't seen any of these movies, I highly suggest you do. Except maybe the Titanic. That was just too damn long.)

"You like Mel Brooks?" Light asked.

"I love Mel Brooks, he's hilarious."

"Yeah, about as funny as Benny Hill."

"Hey, Benny Hill is funny too!"

Light rolled his eyes and I grabbed my duffel bag while Light grabbed the other and I went back to my new home, thinking about the baby room.


	24. Brother

I finished hooking up my 360 in Light's room and sighed, placing the games alongside the TV. The thought of the baby room still sent shivers down my spine. I figured it was time for a visit.

"Ryuzaki, I'm heading down to the prison to talk to dad. Did you want to go?"

"Me? No, I have to get back to my hotel and work on the Kira case. Maybe next time."

My eyes saddened slightly. It wasn't like Ryuzaki to put off plans with me, but he was L, and he did need to work on this case.

"Do you want to go, Light?"

"Sure," He replied, "Stay here Misa."

"Ohhh, but Light! I'm your girlfriend and I should--"

Light silenced her with a menacing glance, and her mouth immediately closed.

"This is a personal matter between Tsukiko and her father, which does not include you."

She grumbled, but agreed to stay. Light grabbed the keys and told his mother that we were heading out.

"Oh, wait!" She called.

Light and I stopped as she handed me two letters.

"Soichiro had your mail transferred here. There were only two letters today."

I thanked her and we left as I began to open them. One was from the doctor, the other from my lawyer. The first letter I opened was from Dr. Halsey which included the blood test I had a few weeks ago. It seemed I had infectious mononucleosis. Mono, for short.

"There's no surprise." I said as we pulled out of the driveway, waving goodbye to Ryuzaki.

"What?" Light asked.

"I have mono."

"Eh, it's a good thing I decided not to go along with my plan to seduce you."

I gave him a dirty look and he chuckled slightly.

"Only kidding Tsukiko, calm down."

I sighed as I opened the letter from my lawyer. It was a very properly typed letter with gold foiling, but when I read it, my jaw just about dropped.

"I don't believe this." I said.

"What?"

"This letter from my lawyer says my mother left behind a huge sum of money for me."

"Does it say how much?"

"No, I have to drop by his office tomorrow to find out how much." I replied as we pulled into the prison.

After several minutes of being checked for weapons and such, we were finally able to see my father. Light and I sat at a table in a bleak, grey room and waited for the guards to bring my father in. He finally entered, his head low and his feet and hands were chained. When he looked at me, his once ocean-blue eyes were now a dull grey.

"Dad what happened to you?" I asked, reaching across to touch his hand.

"No contact ma'am." A guard said brusquely.

I sighed and retrieved my hand. I fiddled with my feet, wondering how I should ask him. He asked me a question before I said anything.

"Did you get the letter from our lawyer?"

"Yes, mom left behind some money for me."

He chuckled slightly.

"It's not some money Tsukiko. She left behind eight million dollars for you."

"For me," I asked with my eyes wide, "Why on earth would she leave me that much money?"

"You're a young woman now. You should put it aside."

"Of course, after I buy a car." I chuckled.

He smiled tiredly and our eyes were locked for a few seconds.

"Dad, the real reason I'm here is to ask you a question."

"Yes darling?"

"I was getting my things out of the house and I noticed there was a baby's room. It wasn't mine because it was made specifically for a boy. Is there something I should know?"

My father rubbed his face with his hands, and the sound of chains hitting the table made me jump.

"We figured you shouldn't know until you were old enough to comprehend." He said with a heavy sigh.

I leaned forward.

"Dad, I'm seventeen. I'm old enough to comprehend almost anything."

"You had a brother once. He was a nice kid until he reached middle school."

"What happened?"

"He became involved with a gang due to pressure to become more popular. There was a terrible gang shooting and--"

"Time's up." The guard said, shifting slightly.

I glanced at the clock. It had only been fifteen minutes.

The guards lifted my father out of his chair and I attempted to chase him, but Light held me back.

"Don't Tsukiko. You'll get arrested."

"But I need to find out what happened to my brother!"

Light pried me out of the room and away from the prison where we got into the car reluctantly.

"But Raito-chan!" I screeched.

"No Tsukiko. Just let it go, okay?"

I was _not_ going to let this go!


	25. Take A Ride On Cocaine

"Take me to the library." I said quietly.

"What?" Light asked.

"I said, take me to the library."

Light sighed and made a right, parking in front of the library. I raced up the stairs, bursting through the doors and panting.

"Excuse me, do you have records of a gang shooting from the 80's or 90's?" I asked, trying to catch my breath.

I had forgotten I couldn't run like that anymore with my asthma. The woman said nothing and handed me a few disks to which I put them into a slide projector in a dark room. Light quietly snuck up behind me and covered me eyes as I flipped through 1983.

"Guess who?" He joked.

"Gee, could it be my knight in shining armor?" I asked sarcastically.

Light sighed and sat next to me as I flipped through many records of gang shootings. I had no idea there were so many in the span of about twenty years. A few hours flashed by me as I blinked in darkness, finding nothing about a Namida until 1992."

"Light, look!"

He had fallen asleep and was startled when I shook him awake. I thought my brother had been killed in the attack, and maybe that was why my parents never mentioned him, but I was wrong. He was the one who led the attack and killed dozens of kids.

Wait, kids?!

I had read right. He killed kids ages twelve to fourteen, kids who thought since they didn't belong with the 'in' crowd, that they would belong with a gang. How wrong they were. I read on in the article and found that L himself had investigated this crime. Apparently it took years for the police to find him, so they brought L in. Funny, L never mentioned anything about investigating a crime that involved my brother. What was more interesting was..

**Kira hadn't caught him yet.**

I ran from the projector onto the computer and quickly typed in 'Akemi Namida' and saw that he was on death row in America, scheduled to be put to death in the next few weeks.

"The American government can't do that.." I mumbled.

"Yes they can." Light said, studying the projector carefully.

Before I knew it, Light was scribbling away in his death note. I gasped and tackled him to the floor. I slapped his book away as Malak and Ryuk simply stood over us, wondering what was transpiring.

"Light, you bastard!" I grunted, grabbing the notebook.

It was too late. Akemi Namida was scribbled in, scheduled to die of a heart attack.

"Look what you've done!" I screamed, hurling his book at him.

I didn't bother to wait for him give me the stupid 'God-of-the-new-world' crap, so I stormed outside and walked home.

--

"Tsukiko honey, where have you been? Light's been waiting for you!" Mrs. Yagami said sweetly.

I ignored her and went upstairs to Light's room, opening the door and seeing Light and Misa suck each other's faces off.

"Totally walked in on the wrong time." I sighed and left.

"Tsukiko, wait!"

I stopped on the stairs as Light shoved his laptop into my hands. A webpage appeared before my eyes that read:

**AKEMI NAMIDA, WHO WAS SCHEDULED TO BE PUT TO DEATH FOR HIS HORRIBLE CRIME, DIED OF A HEART ATTACK TODAY, LIKELY SET FORTH BY OUR GOD, KIRA.**

"Just figured you should know." Light said with mock sympathy.

I tugged on his shirt collar and pulled his ear close to my lips.

"You are no God, Light Yagami."

And with that, I stormed out of the house and into town, hoping to find Ryuzaki and just vent. As I walked into town, people brushed past me, others asking for money, even more asking for drugs, and it made me realize I was not important in this world. I was like a pebble in the ocean. I sighed and walked up to a shady looking man.

"You looking to buy?" He whispered.

"Yeah," I whispered shamefully, "Just some cocaine."

He slipped a bag into my hand and I slipped a hundred dollar bill into his and we both walked away. I didn't even know why I bought this, I'm no drug addict. Maybe things would be easier if I was though. I was losing Ryuzaki to the Kira case, and I had already lost Light to Misa. My mother was dead and my father was in jail for life. I had a brother, but before I could even talk to him, he was killed by Kira. I shuffled into the hotel, going to the top floor and knocking on Ryuzaki's door. I heard shuffling behind the door and a sigh.

"What is it Tsukiko? I'm very busy." He sighed in frustration.

"Oh, never mind then. I'll go home." I replied sadly.

I heard the clink of a lock and he opened the door, his hair a mess as usual, and he was in bare feet, as usual. He waved his hand and I walked inside, noticing the amount of paperwork that was strewn all over hell's half acre and his laptop that had a giant old English 'W' on it. I kicked my feet nervously and sat on the couch, resting my head in my hands. Ryuzaki said nothing and went back to his work. I sighed and excused myself to the bathroom, turning on the light and seeing my face. My black hair was a frizzy mess, heavy bags rested under my eyes, and I had even put on a little weight. I emptied the bag onto the counter as my heart raced and butterflies settled in my stomach. I disassembled a razor and straightened the cocaine with one of the razors. I got down on my knees and found that I was eye-to-eye with the drug. Teachers drilled it into me that drugs were never an answer to anything, but then again, they haven't lived a life close to mine.

Maybe that sounds selfish, but I don't care anymore. I stood up slightly and snorted hard.

--RYUZAKI'S POV--

Tsukiko excused herself to the bathroom, so I let her. I didn't much care at this point, the Kira case is far too important to be dawdling in relationships anyway. I was going over an internet article about Tsukiko's brother and how he was finally caught by Kira.

"What a shame." I sighed and wondered if she knew about him.

Suddenly I heard a crash in the bathroom and glass break. I didn't move.

"Tsukiko, is everything alright?"

No answer.

"Tsukiko, are you okay?"

Still no answer.

I sighed and stood up, walking into the bathroom with my eyes closed.

"Alright Tsukiko, are you--"

What I saw truly shocked me. The toothbrush holder, soap dish and glass were knocked to the ground and broken, the mirror was cracked slightly and Tsukiko was no where in sight. The bathroom window was open and on the counter was a faint white residue and a razor. I wiped the powder with my finger and sniffed it slightly.

"Oh Tsukiko, you're so much better than this." I whispered and grabbed my cell phone to call Light.

"Yes?" Light said quietly.

"Light, I'm afraid we have a problem."

"Define 'problem'." He sighed.

"I think Tsukiko is high on cocaine and she's no where in sight."

"We'll be there in ten minutes." He said frantically and hung up.

--

Matsuda, Aizowa, Soichiro Light and Misa stood in my hotel room. I gritted my teeth slightly, irritated that this was setting back progress with the Kira case.

"Where do we start looking for her?" Matsuda asked.

"That's a good question. Light, Misa and I will look for her on the west side of town, Soichiro, Aizowa and Matsuda take the east side of town, and we'll meet up in the middle."

Everyone nodded slightly and left the hotel room, splitting into opposite directions.

What made Tsukiko think that cocaine would solve her problems?


	26. I'll Send an SOS to the World

--NORMAL POV--

I couldn't even begin to write what it was like high on cocaine. Maybe the drug wouldn't permanently solve my problems, but it sure did solve them temporarily. I remember vaguely stumbling into a nightclub and meeting someone, but I couldn't remember if it was male or female. I went back to my old house and dug through some safes and ventured out to buy more cocaine. Maybe I'd even try Methamphetamine if I was feeling adventurous. Maybe even crack, who knows? I think I'm still high even as I write this, so it's amazing I can even spell correctly. I was walking down the street, coming down off my euphoria when I bumped into someone.

"Oh, excuse me ma'am, have you seen this person?"

I lifted my head slightly and saw the person holding a picture of me. I gritted my teeth and shook my head, brushing past this person.

"Ma'am, wait! Maybe you've seen her before?"

I continued on my walk until this person forcibly turned me around.

"Tsukiko?"

It was Misa Amane. She barely recognized me, which was no surprise considering the picture was old and we weren't exactly close friends.

"Tsukiko, what happened to your hair?!"

I ran a hand up over my head, only to find I was bald. I must have shaved it when I was high. I didn't speak a word to Misa, there was really no need to. I tried to walk away, but she stopped me with five simple words.

"Ryuzaki was worried about you."

"Tell him he won't have to be now. I'm fine."

"Tsukiko, you're addicted to cocaine!"

"Hey, I can quit ANYTIME I want to, I don't need your help!"

Those words fell off my tongue like lead. It was the typical line used by any drug addict when they were confronted by a friend. There was some relative truth value in there somewhere, but not much. I knew I could quit with the right amount of willpower, problem was that I knew I didn't possess the adequate amount of willpower. I walked away from Misa, and she let me go, number two mistake she made in her life (number one getting involved with Light/Kira). I went to my usual place where I found my drug dealer.

"I have something else for you." He whispered.

He held a needle in his hand filled with what I assumed to be heroin. Touching of him to cook it for me.

"Heroin? Nah man, I don't do needles."

"Hey, come on, cocaine can be dangerous. Heroin isn't nearly as life-threatening."

"What do you think I am, stupid? Heroin is just as dangerous as cocaine."

"They why do you take cocaine?"

"Look, are you here to act as my mother or sell me drugs?"

He sighed and slipped a baggie into my hand and I slipped money into his. I slid the bag into my pocket and walked away, knowing full well what was going on with me.

--RYUZAKI'S POV--

I looked through an alley for Tsukiko for a fourth time. She was no where in sight, which was odd for a person high on a drug. They're usually easy to find. Misa was running towards me, out of breath and clutching onto an old picture of Tsukiko.

"Did you find her?" Light asked wearily.

"Tsukiko? No, I found no trace of her."

Misa looked to the left slightly, and from what I remember Tsukiko telling me a few years ago, it meant she was lying. I brushed past Light and got very close to her face, which made her visibly uncomfortable.

"You say you didn't see her at all?"

"Me? No, I didn't see a trace of her."

Again, her gaze shifted to the left.

"Your eyesight is shifting to the left, meaning you are lying. Tell me, where exactly did you see her?"

"I don't remember. She doesn't even look remotely like her picture, she shaved her head and she's so quiet."

"That's it," Light growled, "As soon as we find her, she's going to a rehab clinic."

"That's if we get her before the drug dealers, rapists and liars do." I replied lowly, biting my thumb.

"She's smarter than that Ryuzaki. She'll be fine!" Light growled defensively.

"When people are high Light, they don't exactly know what they're doing."

Everyone stayed quiet. Matsuda, Aizowa and Soichiro emerged from the darkness. Soichiro and Matsuda looked upset, Aizowa looked frustrated.

"So," I asked, "Did you find any trace of her?"

"Oh yeah," Aizowa answered immediately, "She's still high and gave Matsuda a good beating."

"Alright then. Light, Soichiro and Aizowa, come with me. Matsuda and Misa, go back to the hotel room in case she comes back."

Matsuda and Misa walked away as Light, Soichiro, Aizowa and I walked back into town to find her. Hopefully it will be easier to find her this time.

--NORMAL POV--

WHOA! High again! This is awesome! All the colors that are everywhere! It's like…whoa man. Did I even do cocaine? I dunno, but it's awesome. I suddenly felt my arms being grabbed and I was pinned down.

"Hi there," I squealed, "Do you come here often? If you don't, you should, 'cause it's AWESOME."

They said something, but not to me. Whatev, I don't care. I'm awesome, so whatev.

--

My eyes slowly opened and I groaned as I felt sick from coming off the cocaine. I saw Ryuzaki talking quietly with Aizowa, Light appeasing Misa in the corner, and Matsuda sitting across from me, his eyes closed.

"Look at that, she's finally awake."

I looked behind me and saw Soichiro leaning over the couch. I buried my face in my pillow, ashamed of what I had become. My emotions were waging a war against each other, having trouble deciding whether I wanted to be high or just quit and move on. I saw the half empty baggie on the coffee table, and unfortunately, my emotions had chosen for me and my arms betrayed me as I jumped up to reach for it.

"Don't you dare!" Ryuzaki shouted, jumping on my back, pulling me up and putting me into a full nelson.

"Ryuzaki!" I screamed, struggling in his grip.

He was defiantly stronger than he looked because he wouldn't budge. Finally I reared back and swept my feet underneath his clumsily. It worked, and he went tumbling over as I wrestled Light for the baggie. I tackled him to the ground, and Aizowa pulled me off as Light dumped the cocaine out the window.

"What the hell, Light?" I screamed, punching him.

He grabbed my wrists tightly, and I lowered my head.

"Tsukiko, whether you like it or not, we're sending you to a rehab center. Normally, I'd pay for it, but since it's too expensive, we're using the money your mother left for you."

"You can't do that!" I protested, struggling in his grip.

"As your legal guardian I can. We bought your ticket already, you're leaving tomorrow."

"Can you at least tell me where I'm going?" I growled.

"The Crossroads Centre in Antigua. I figured it would only be fair since Light told me of your love for Eric Clapton." Ryuzaki replied, packing his laptop.

"Are you going with me?" I asked.

"Me? Yes I am, but only to be sure that you complete your twenty nine day program."

I wanted to scream and stomp and have a temper tantrum about how I didn't deserve this, and how I wanted Light to go with me and not Ryuzaki, but I gave it some deep thought. I had brought this upon myself, and if I didn't stop, I could die of a heart attack. I could just drop dead and everyone would say '_What a shame we couldn't stop her sooner_.' I hugged Ryuzaki tightly.

"I'm so sorry L." I whispered.

He gingerly kissed my cheek.

"I'm not going to say it's okay, but I forgive you. Pack your bags Tsukiko and get some sleep. We've got a long ways to go to recovery for you."


	27. Judgement

I was packing bras when Matusda knocked on my door.

"Come in." I sighed.

"It's just me." He replied.

"Hi Matsu."

He walked in and held up one of my bras, putting it on his head.

"Hey look! I'm a Russian tank commander!"

"You're not funny Matusda." I said under a laugh.

"Then why are you laughing?"

Before I could answer, he ran out of the room to show everyone with me screaming on his tail.

"Hey look everyone! I'm a Russian tank commander!"

I ran right into Matsuda, knocking myself over, too embarrassed to get up since everyone was laughing.

"Is that Tsukiko's bra?" I heard L ask.

"Yeah, don't I look good?"

"Would you like me to kill him?" Malak asked, who had been quiet for a while.

"No!" I said, getting up and reaching to snatch my bra back, only to find that L had in his hands, or rather his fingertips.

"32C?" He read, completely confused.

"GIVE ME THAT!!" I screeched, trying to take it from him.

Instead, Light took it and modeled with it, to everyone's delight. I ran over the situation in my head and laugh hysterically, realizing that I was making a huge deal out of nothing.

"God, Tsukiko I haven't heard you laugh like that in…months."

"I know, there just hasn't been much room for humor in the last few months, you know?"

"Can I talk to you in your room, mistress?" Malak asked.

I took my bra back from Light and smiled.

"Alright, I'm going to finish packing, so leave me alone everyone."

L nodded and I went back my room with Malak and continued packing.

"Why did you do that?" He asked.

"Well, I'd like to finish packing before tomorrow." I replied.

"No, the cocaine. Why would you do something so idiotic?"

"I don't know Malak, I'm still slightly addicted. I can't escape unless L and I go to rehab."

"Must he go with you?"

"Yes, I looked it up and they offer a room for a significant other that is either an addict or a means of rehab."

He nodded, but I knew he still didn't understand. I went over to my laptop and pulled up Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills and Nash, singing quietly while packing.

_Something inside  
is telling me that I've got your secret  
Are you still listening?  
Fear is the lock  
And laughter the key to your heart  
And I love you_

I am yours  
You are mine  
You are what you are  
You make it hard

I rubbed my shaved head and cried silently. I was ashamed that I had let it come this far and this drastically. I heard another knock on the door, but this time it was Misa.

"I know you didn't want to be bothered, but I bought a little something for you."

She held up a wig and I could have died. It looked just like my old hair. I put it on and Misa helped straighten it out.

"There. All better." She cooed.

I hugged her tightly and thanked her profusely. She left me to my packing and Malak stroked it with his claws.

"Why would you wear fake hair?" He asked.

"Because I'm bald and I don't like being bald." I sighed in response.

"Humans.." He sighed and shook his head.

"You'll never understand us." I chuckled.

I finished with my packing and walked out where everyone awed.

"You look good." L whispered.

"Thank you. I also want to apologize to everyone about what happened. I'm ashamed of myself for letting it get this far and what I have done to all of you. A simple 'sorry' won't cut it, I know, but--"

"Going to rehab will." Soichiro added.

"Yeah," I said with a smile, "I just don't want to fall into that habit again."

"As long as I'm alive, I won't let you." L replied with a half smile.

"Aww, group hug!" Matsuda squealed.

"Oh hell no, you do that and--"

Too late. Damn them all!

"Alright Tsukiko, get to bed. We have to get up early tomorrow to catch our flight."

"You got it." I replied and went back to my room.

I stared at my death note in my drawer, wondering what I should do with it. I turned to Malak, who gave no indication of what I should do, so with my heart racing I picked it up and opened it to the first page. I went over the rules again, just to be sure and I furiously wrote the name 'Eric Dwyer', the American doctor who had raped me so long ago. His face rushed through my brain and my eyes, the way his face looked when he was enjoying my pain and screaming. I put my pen down and turned on my TV, watching Sakura news, which seemed to be the place to look for Kira related crimes. I watched as Eric Dwyer's face appeared and I ran screaming into the next room.

"Hurry! Turn on the TV to Sakura News!"

They switched it on and I watched, trying not to laugh, at Eric's face plastered on this God-forsaken channel. They mentioned how he was wanted for rape, sexual assault and other various charges, and everyone stayed in tune, except for Light. He gave me a sideways glance and gave me a doesn't-it-feel-good-to-kill-the-ones-who-deserve-to-die look. He was right.

It felt so damn good.


	28. Antigua

"Tsukiko, it's time to get up."

I looked at the clock and groaned as it read 5:26. Who in their right mind has to get me up this early? Light was standing over my bed, gently nudging my shoulder.

"You have to go to rehab, remember?"

Rehab. Rehabilitation. 'Vacation for drug addicts'. All those words made me shiver. I reached around for some kind of drug, but found nothing. The light was flipped on and Ryuzaki stood in my doorway, holding my suitcase. I sat up and kicked my legs over the bed, contemplating whether or not I'll get better. If I don't, at least I'll have a good time in the tropics. I shooed everyone out and got dressed in simple shorts and tank top with flip flops.

"Let's hope this works." Matsuda mumbled, kicking his feet.

"You're not the only one." I replied tiredly.

"Mistress, you don't have to go there, we can work this out here." Malak suggested.

I shook my head and sat on the reclining chair, waiting for Ryuzaki to finish packing. He packed away all the wires and cameras he needed for his laptop and zipped up the case, nudging my shoulder.

"Are we ready?" I asked.

"It appears to be that way." He replied with a sigh.

I knew it was tedious for him to be going away to Antigua with me for the Kira case, so I spoke up.

"Ryuzaki, if you have such a problem with leaving here to do the investigation, why don't you stay? Why not have someone else go with me?"

"Frankly Tsukiko, I don't trust you by yourself."

"Then send Light with me, I'd prefer to take someone who actually appreciates me."

"I appreciate you Tsukiko, but I just don't trust you by yourself."

"No, I haven't done a single thing with the task force since I came here! I know more than any of you _combined!_"

A wave of tension flowed across the room, starting with Light and ending with Matsuda. Ryuzaki set his things down and gave me a hard glance.

"And just what makes you think you know more than I do?"

"I know who Kira is, I know how he controls his victims, I know the tool he uses!"

"Then why haven't you said anything earlier?" Soichiro butted in.

"Because if I said anything, you wouldn't believe a word I said!"

I sank to the floor and Mogi helped me to my feet, handing me my suitcase and glancing at the clock.

"I think it's an aftereffect of the cocaine. You're going crazy. Now get out of here or you're going to miss your flight."

I threw my suitcase down, absolutely furious that anyone would call me crazy.

"I am NOT crazy, Light is Kira! I know it!" I screamed.

Before anyone could react, a handcuff was slapped over my right hand. It was a very long chain that led directly to Ryuzaki's left hand. He dragged me out the door and no one came out to say goodbye as Watari, Ryuzaki and I drove away.

--

The plane ride was boring, except for when we arrived in the Caribbean. The waters were a crystal blue just like all the pictures said, and there were palm trees everywhere. It was just Ryuzaki and I when we stepped off the plane and into another limo that took us to the Crossroads Centre. I laid my head on Ryuzaki's lap, where he gently stroked my head.

"Ryuzaki, is this handcuff really necessary?" I asked, trying to loosen it.

"Actually it is," He replied and loosened it just a little, "This way I know you won't ever get too far from me."

I couldn't tell if he wanted to protect me, or if he was just being creepy. We stopped in front of the Crossroads Centre, and we walked out into the blazing sunlight. It was excruciatingly hot in Antigua today, but hopefully they'll have some kind of swimming exercises. We checked in and received two keys to our room. When we opened the door, I immediately jumped on the bed.

"It's a waterbed!" I squealed.

There were no sheets on it, but I could see that there were little fishes swimming around, being disturbed by my jumping.

"This is awesome." I sighed and laid back.

"No, remember why you came here in the first place." Ryuzaki said seriously, setting up his laptop.

I started to feel a little nauseous, so I ran into the bathroom and puked. Ryuzaki stood at the door, leaning against the frame and scratching his leg with his other leg.

"You're going to be feeling a little sick for the next few weeks. It's an effect of coming off the heroin."

"But I never did heroin!" I moaned between vomiting.

"Ah, but you did. I conducted a drug test after we got you home, and there were so many drugs in your system, I'm surprised you aren't dead."

I sat up and flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth. I sank down to the floor and leaned against the sink, crying my eyes out.

"I can't believe I could be such a horrible person!"

Ryuzaki sat down with me, pulling me to his shoulder.

"Shh, you're not a horrible person. We didn't have to get a court order for you to go to rehab, right?"

I sniffled a little and remained on his shoulder. He stood up and went to the desk, looking at the schedule they leave in every room, then looking to the clock on the wall.

"Right now, we can go surfing if you want."

"I don't know how to surf."

"There are classes, now get changed."

I opened my suitcase, grabbing my swimsuit that was black with blood red roses on it and changing in the bathroom It was a little difficult at first with the chain, but that would take some getting used to. When I removed my clothes, I saw what only a few days of doing drugs could do to a person. I had lost easily around twenty pounds and my bones were beginning to show. I walked out of the bathroom where Ryuzaki stood in plain black swim trunks.

"I didn't know you had plans with me."

"You think I would let you do this alone?" He retorted, gingerly kissing my cheek.

So there was still some affection for me left inside him.


	29. Talk

Ryuzaki and I went outside where they were lending surfboards and giving lessons. I glanced at some of the other people in their swimsuits. The girls looked like typical junkies with scars running up and down their arms, they were skinnier than I was and they had heavy bags under their eyes. One girl had heavier bags than Ryuzaki, which was bad. I received a questioning glance from the instructor as he saw my shackle.

"It's a safety precaution." Ryuzaki explained.

The instructor shook his head and lead us into the water. I laid down on the board and used my arms to propel myself out into the water, like the instructor was demonstrating for me. I failed several times, and on two occasions, Ryuzaki had to pull me out of the water because I was tangled in my surfboard.

(AN: With surfboards, you have to shackle this thingy to your ankle so you don't lose your board.)

"Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea that we're shackled." I laughed as I sputtered water.

"I know." He replied as he got onto his surfboard.

I rolled my eyes and climbed onto mine, and finally we caught a good wave and clumsily rode together on it.

"Kiss me!" I called over the roar of the wave.

He leaned over and kissed me, which lead to him to fall on me and we crashed together into the blue water and had to rescue each other. The instructor only came to see if I was alright.

"You know, he was hurt too." I sighed, pointing to Ryuzaki.

"Yes, but you're out first priority, darling." He said seductively.

I laughed out loud, and he gave me a strange look.

"You're hitting on an ex-drug addict? What is wrong with you, are you desperate? And can't you see I'm shackled to my boyfriend?"

We swam back to shore without the help of our instructor. We sat on the beach, dipping our toes in the warm water when it came lapping on the shore. Ryuzaki was like milk on the sand, with the way he was so pale. I wasn't much different however, because both of us were in great contrast to the sparkling blue waters of Antigua. I looked to the sky and felt the warm breeze blow across my cheeks and what was left of my hair as my thoughts wandered to Light, Soichiro, Misa and the others.

"I think I've had enough excitement today," I sighed, "Maybe we should check in with the others in Japan."

"That sounds like a good idea." Ryuzaki replied as he pulled me up.

Our chain dragged behind us as we went back into our hotel room. Ryuzaki got changed first and I went into the bathroom again when there was a knock on the door. Ryuzaki answered it, said something to the person at the door, and closed it again. I came out of the bathroom, fully changed, as he handed me some pills and a small cup of water.

"Why do I need medicine?" I asked, eyeing the pink, blue, white and beige pills.

"I thought we went over this already. You can die from the withdrawal symptoms. You will still experience some discomfort while withdrawing such as vomiting or diarrhea, but not the more severe symptoms."

I sighed and popped the pills in my mouth, chasing them down with water as Ryuzaki set up his lap top and web cam, contacting the others in Japan.

"Heyyyy L!" I heard a voice over the laptop's speakers.

"Matsuda, keep your voice down!" Ryuzaki and I said simultaneously.

"Sorry, I was just excited to hear from you guys. Where's Tsukiko?"

"Right here." I said, laying on the floor next to Ryuzaki.

Everyone waved at me, and I waved back at them, smiling and laughing. I missed them so much, and I still had twenty five days to go until I could leave. This may be the longest month of my life as Ryuzaki explained we had some things to take care of and signed off.

"What do we need to do?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just figured you wanted to watch a movie before I became wrapped up in the Kira investigation."

"Okay." I replied and dug through my suitcase and found Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

"Sweeney Todd? Could you find anything less violent?" Ryuzaki asked with a sigh.

"No, I love this movie! Plus, I love singing along with the song 'Epiphany'."

I put in the DVD player and curled into Ryuzaki, which yielded no response from him. I brushed his gesture aside and continued to watch the movie.

"_I had him! His throat was bare beneath my hand. No, I had him! His throat was there and he'll never come again!_"

"_Easy now, hush love hush, I keep telling you, what's your rush?_"

We were up to the scene where Sweeney first encounters the man who raped and led to the death of his wife, and he slipped from his blade, now he was angry. Ryuzaki finally put his arm around my shoulder, but not in the way I wanted. It was more in a comforting way rather than a cuddling way.

"Ryuzaki, if I was raped, would you kill the man who raped me?"

"Kill? No, never. Bring him to justice? Defiantly. All you need to do is not kill yourself."

--

We were close to the ending of the movie, and I was leaning against the edge of the bed, waiting for the climax of the movie, where Sweeney was dancing with Mrs. Lovett. (Spoiler warning for the people who wanted to see this movie. Just skip the next few paragraphs if you haven't seen the movie.

"Come back here, I can't see the TV."

I laid down and kicked my feet, waiting for the climax. It finally came and I squealed with delight, putting my fists to my lips. The ending came soon after and Ryuzaki shut the TV and DVD player off, giving me a strange look.

"Why would you be happy about something like that?" He asked.

"She deserved it Ryuzaki. She lied to him about his wife."

"That doesn't mean she deserves death Tsukiko."

"I think she did. I would kill someone if they told me you killed yourself and I found out you were still alive, and I accidentally killed you."

"He threw her in the oven. Would you do that?"

"You bet I would."

Ryuzaki shook his head and scribbled on a sheet of paper, tucking it safely away in his pocket. I didn't bother asking about it, since he would never tell me anyway. I sat on the bed for a few minutes, trying to find something else to do. Ryuzaki got up and looked at the schedule, then sat back down in a chair in his odd, bird like manner. Our shackle clang against the bed post occasionally, but that was the only sound between us in ten minutes.

"Ryuzaki, talk to me."

"Why?"

"Because we've been quiet for ten minutes. Let's find something to talk about."

He remained silent for a few minutes, and I sighed in aggravation, laying back on the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a good five minutes before I felt a tugging on my shackle.

"Yes?" I asked, sitting up.

"Let's talk about your past, and why you turned to drugs."


	30. Trapped

ZOMG quick note! I just want to say happy birthday to my younger brother, Chris! (Even though his birthday was like, almost a week ago.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS BRAAAAAH!!

--

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Let's start with when you were raped. I know you don't want to talk about it, but--"

"Actually, I've been dying to talk to someone about it."

He sat up on the bed across from me, I gazed down at the blankets as I began to explain what happened.

"See, I was walking alone from school one night. I was in a musical and I didn't live far from the school, so I figured I would be safe."

I began to clutch the blankets tightly. Even though he was dead, and even though it was me who killed him, I still felt so much anger and hate towards him. I could my temperature rise with the thought of him. I still continued, even though I was beginning to cry.

"He was waiting for me. He pulled the 'lost puppy' trick that I thought I would never fall for. I don't feel like talking about what happened next." I whispered.

I laid my head down in his lap and he rubbed my head affectionately, wondering what to say next. We didn't speak for the rest of the afternoon because I fell asleep.

--

"Tsukiko, wake up," L nudged me slightly, "If you keep sleeping, you won't sleep tonight. Plus, they're serving dinner."

"I'm not that hungry." I mumbled and rolled over.

"Come on, get out of bed."

"No."

"Alright then, I'll leave you alone."

L left and I fell asleep for an undetermined length of time. When I woke up, I was in a cold sweat and I was beginning to shake.

"Tsukiko, is something wrong?"

I turned around and saw L sitting on the floor, actually eating something other than candy for once. He apparently hadn't left the room because we were still cuffed. I opened the drawer of my nightstand, hoping to find some kind of drug. I only found a phonebook and a TV remote.

"You're finally starting to go into withdrawal." L remarked as he watched me run around the room.

I screamed something to him, but I don't remember what it was. I remember opening the door and attempting to run down the hallway, but I didn't make it too far because L pulled me back. I had lost a great deal of my strength because of the drugs, so L was able to get me airborne before I crashed onto the floor, unable to move half out of surprise and half out of pain. He stood over me and picked me up, examining my hand and walking me down the hallway. I didn't need to go through with this. I could relapse once, then go back to rehab and be better. Plenty of American celebrities have done it, why can't I? What makes me different? I faintly remember sitting in the med ward where I was uncuffed and examined, but that's all I remember from that night. I woke up the next morning with a cast on my arm and L standing over me.

"What happened?" I whispered as he handed me my medication.

"You went into withdrawal, went crazy, tried to run, I pulled you back and accidentally broke your wrist. Sorry."

So much for enjoying the water while I was here. I swallowed the pills L handed me and sat up, rubbing my head.

"I feel like going for a walk." I said.

"Okay." L replied, cuffing my other hand.

I sighed and walked out of the room, talking about how I couldn't wait to just get out of here and go back home, when I bumped into someone.

"Sorry, my mistake." He apologized in a heavy British accent.

"No, I should really watch--"

I looked up at this point and my jaw almost dropped. I covered my mouth and looked back to L, who was shuffling his feet.

"Mr. Clapton.." I finally whispered.

"Yes, and you are…?"

"My name is Tsukiko Namida, I'm such a fan of your music."

"Drugs are such a terrible thing." he said rubbing my head.

"Oh this? Yes, they are. That's why I'm here. I was addicted to everything, even though I don't remember any of it."

"That's why this Crossroads Centre is here. Now what happened to your arm?" He asked.

"Oh this? I accidentally broke it yesterday.

He took out a marker and signed it with a smile, walking away.

I waited until he was gone and turned around to L, my eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"Don't say it." He mumbled.

"I'm never washing my head again, and I am never taking off this cast." I sighed and skipped away.

--FAST FORWARD--

It's been a long month, but it's finally over, and I'm going back home. It's September 1st, and I can feel the chill coming in when I stepped off the plane, greeted by a group hug.

"So you're clean now?" Matsuda asked.

"Clean as a whistle, it seems. And look who signed my cast!"

Matsuda looked at the cast and frowned.

"That's cool, but what happened?"

"I'll tell you later. For now, let's go home."

I rode home in L's limo, talking to Watari about how I had met Eric Clapton and he played for everyone there and about my arm and how it became broken.

"Now now, Ryuzaki, I thought we raised you better than that." He sighed.

"I didn't do it on purpose," He frowned, "I just meant to stop her."

We walked into the tower and L dug through a box and pulled out another set of cuffs as he slapped it onto Light. Apparently L had been talking with everyone while I was asleep, because I had no idea what was going on. Apparently Misa didn't either.

"As of now, I will have constant surveillance on Light Yagami, Misa Amane and Tsukiko Namida under the suspicions that they are, in fact, Kira."

My jaw dropped. Everyone knew that L had been suspecting Light and Misa for quite some time, but me? Everyone's gaze shifted to me and my palms began to sweat. L gave me his typical detective gaze as he spoke again.

"Let's face it Tsukiko, if anyone is more suspicious than Light or Misa, it would be you. It's a little convenient that the good Doctor Dwyer is now dead, and frankly the conversation we had while watching Sweeney Todd only confirmed it."

"So watching the movie was merely a test?" I asked, aggravated.

"You could say that," He replied and tugged on our handcuffs, "Until I deem it necessary, you and Light will be cuffed to me so that I may keep an eye on both of you."

"Just kill him mistress," Malak whispered in my ear, "I know you can do it."

"No," I whispered between gritted teeth, "I refuse to kill anyone anymore."


	31. Chain Me Down

The handcuff on my wrist felt tighter as Light and I sat next to L, watching him watch Misa on the television set. I tried scratching my wrist, but I couldn't reach the spot because of the cuff. I leaned against the desk, glancing over at Light who was making hand symbols to himself. I watched the sunset outside and thought how much I would love to just run away back home and forget I ever met these two. L didn't actually love me, he barely tolerated my presence. I sat on the floor, twiddling my thumbs until my tailbone began to ache.

"Ryuzaki, can I please get a chair to sit on? I think my tailbone is going to fall off." I complained.

"It's physically impossible for one's tailbone to 'fall off', but yes, you may have a seat." He replied, pulling up a roley chair.

I rolled back and forth in the chair, rolling far enough away to stretch out the chain and back again. Misa bounced down the stairs, looking for Light.

"Oh Light," She cried out in a high pitched voice, "When are you coming to bed?"

"Not now Misa. We're trying to—"

"You're always up late with this!" She whined, "You never come to bed anymore."

"Just deal with it Misa," I interjected, "You're so whiny."

With that, she let out a huff and stormed upstairs, and L and L stared at me. I ignored them and twiddled my thumbs, feeling my eyelids growing heavier. L had to sleep sometime, I thought. I remember reading somewhere that a human cannot go more than ten days without sleep or they die. So when did he sleep? Before I could ask, L stood up and tugged on our chains.

"I believe it's time for you two to get some sleep." He said calmly.

Light nodded and I stood up obediently. I hated this chain, granted that there was a good reason for it. My hand throbbed as we walked up the stairs to the elevator.

"Is everything alright, mistress? You look pale." Malak chirped from behind me.

I shook my head and felt my weight shift as we went up in the elevator. L leaned against the wall where Light rested opposite of him. I stared at the frosted metal with tremendous animosity towards my distorted reflection. If self-hatred were a fire, I thought, I would have burned this city to the ground. I thought of old World War II pictures my father showed me. It was a before and after picture of Germany after the bombings, and there was nothing left. I mean nothing. Not even a piece of rubble or construction. Everything was bombed into the ground, and that's what I would do if I could. I would burn this city until there was no evidence of a city left. The elevator beeped and the doors opened, revealing a dimly lit hallway. L tugged on my chain as he walked into the hallway, and I trailed behind with Light. L opened a door and I noticed it was not Misa's room at all. It was lit softly with candles with three beds with blood red sheets. A fireplace rested in the center, giving the room more light and warmth. We walked in and I immediately went into the bathroom and changed into my pajamas. When I walked out, L and Light were already in their pajamas.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" L asked politely.

"No thank you, I have no desire to be evaluated again." I replied with just a hint of animosity.

His shoulders dropped and he said nothing after that. I felt a cool, familiar presence behind me, and I turned and saw Malak. L climbed into his own bed and Light into his. I merely sat on my bed, more awake then I was downstairs. Malak was starved for conversation, and I wanted nothing more than to talk to him, but now was not the time. He kept lightly brushing my shoulder with one of his claws, running the other one through my hair.

"Hey Tsukiko, check it out." Light whispered.

I turned around and saw that L was actually asleep. There must be a camera in here somewhere, because he wouldn't just go to sleep without someone watching us. I touched Malak's hand lightly.

"Not now," I whispered, "I can't talk."

He nodded and drew back as Light and I stared at each other from across the room. He beckoned me over with one finger, and without thinking, I went to him. He slid across the bed so I could sit down, and we sat there for several minutes. Suddenly I lost control and kissed him hard. He was surprised, but returned the gesture by carefully wrapping his hands around my waist, grabbing my chain and his and tying my hips with it, pulling me on top of him.

"Think we can get away with anything with him sleeping?" He asked.

"I doubt he's even sleeping," I whispered, "He's probably just listening to us."

Light sat up with me still sitting on his lap, facing him. I rested my hands on his shoulders and kissed him again. I had no control, so I did it again. Soon things became rough again and he was on top of me, tying my hands with the chains.

"Don't say a word." He said seductively."

"I won't breathe a word to anyone." I whispered back.


	32. Impossible

After my ah… "business" with Light was finished, I crawled back into my own bed with the chain dragging soundlessly on the ground. I laid in my bed for what felt like hours, waiting for an answer to come to me. I wasn't quite sure what my question was, but I was yearning for an answer to something. Why is my life so complicated? How is it possible to be in love with two people at once? I couldn't understand this.

"Mistress?" Malak's voice rang out in the darkness that surrounded me.

"Yes Malak, what is it?" I whispered.

"You seem distressed, is something amiss?"

"No, just my emotions playing tricks on me. Nothing to be concerned about."

He sat on the edge of my bed and crawled towards me until his pale blue eyes dug into my soul. It seemed to me that he was the kind of person (or death god, if you will) that was always searching for an answer, even when there was none to be found. I wanted to open up to him, tell him my feelings about everything, but that would be risky. Since he is supposedly in love with me, he could use it against me. I didn't say anything to him, but he cocked his head to the side and came closer. I inhaled sharply, and he laid down next to me, pulling me into his broad chest and simply held me.

"What are you doing?" I asked gently.

"Isn't this how human males comfort their mistresses when they are upset?" He asked, seemingly confused.

"Well, yes but—"

"I am comforting you. I sense your sadness and your struggle."

His chest smelled like musty death, but for a reason I couldn't explain it was a comforting scent. I suppose as long as Malak was at my side, I didn't need to worry about Light or L abandoning me, I didn't need to worry about my cocaine addiction or what was left of it. I could just…be.

Before I could transpire what was happening, I was sobbing into his chest. He held me tighter and I gathered my legs to my chest until I ran out of tears and just laid there. I wiggled out of Malak's grasp and walked over to the mirror where I gently tugged my deep black hair. It seemed ragged rather than neat, and dry rather than soft. I wanted desperately to cut it, but there were no nearby scissors and I did not want to disturb L while he was sleeping. I heard a quiet clanging behind me and turned around only to see that L was awake.

"Is something troubling you Tsukiko?" He asked gently.

"I cannot sleep, my dreams are troubling me."

"Would you like to talk?" He whispered, patting an empty space next to him.

I stared him for some time, and then glanced at Light. He was still sleeping soundly, breathing in the stifling air and twitching slightly. I wanted nothing more than to talk, but I knew he would use this against me in the Kira case. I opened my mouth to say something, but felt a sharp pain stab through my abdomen. I let out a small moan and looked down to see a dark liquid soak through my pajama bottoms. I fell to my knees and cradled my stomach as Ryuzaki rushed to my aid. The tension from the chain woke Light from his sleep and he drowsily came to my side as well. He flipped on the light and when my eyes adjusted to the bright light, I could see a puddle of blood surrounding me. Ryuzaki had a puzzling look on his face, and then it went paler than normal as he scooped me into his arms and rushed me to the medical ward. Once there, he laid me on a bed as a doctor in white asked Ryuzaki and Light several questions as nurses connected me to several machines. My legs were curling up as reaction to the pain, and they stripped off my clothing. There was so much blood between my legs I wanted to vomit. I had never seen such a large volume of it, not since my maid was killed. I cried in pain and quickly fell asleep.

--

I awoke several hours later as the sunlight poured through the windows, making the bright white room even brighter than it was before. The lights above me glowed dimly, why were they even on? I was dressed in a simple blue hospital gown while the machines next to me beeped quietly. I flipped the blankets off and saw that the blood was gone. I felt dizzy and noticed there were several bags of blood hanging on poles next to me. It was completely silent in the room, save for someone sweeping the floor. He looked at me and looked into a different direction.

"She's awake." He said quietly. His words echoed so loudly I moaned.

Someone in white came into the room and his footsteps echoed as well. Why on earth do people make so much noise? I rested my hands on my lap and played with the pulse detector on my finger. The man stood by my bed and introduced himself as a doctor and went on and on about my condition until I stopped him.

"Wait, what did you say happened?" I asked in shock.

"Miss Namida…the blood came from your vaginal canal, and the pain you experienced was—"

"What happened to me?" I asked softly.

"You had a miscarriage."


End file.
